Yoyo Mung And Ekin Cheng’s Agreement: “No Marriage And No Kids!”
Note: This article is written for JayneStars.com. DO NOT re-post this article on any other websites. No part of this article may be copied, reproduced, rearranged, redistributed, modified by any means or in any form whatsoever without prior written permission. You may use the content online and for your non-commercial, personal use only. Copying these materials for anything other than your personal use is a violation of copyright laws.
Should you wish to share this article, we recommend that you: (i) link directly to the article at JayneStars.com on your website; or (ii) link directly to the article via social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter.
While Aaron Kwok ( 郭富城) professed that he will take his time and eventually get married, it appeared that 44-year-old Ekin Cheng (鄭伊健 ) may wish to remain an eternal bachelor! At a promotional event for Bobbi Brown cosmetics in Taiwan yesterday, 36-year-old Yoyo Mung (蒙嘉慧) revealed that the couple came to a mutual agreement that they will not get married and will not have any children together!
For many years, Ekin has struggled with the marriage issue, which was the rumored instigator in ending his relationship with former ex-girlfriend, Gigi Leung ( 梁咏琪). After Ekin’s good friends, Jordan Chan ( 陳小春) and Cherie Ying (應采兒), got married in 2010 and witnessing more couples tie the knot, Ekin had professed last year that he was willing to consider marriage. It appeared that Ekin changed his mind once again, expressing the desire to never get married!
Growing up in a divorced family, Yoyo Mung did not consider marriage to be the most critical issue in life, as there were many other things waiting for one to accomplish. The most important thing was that the couple was happy in their current relationship!
Dating for 6 years, Yoyo and Ekin lived together and often went on vacations with friends and family, leading a lifestyle similar to a long-time married couple despite their lack of a marriage certificate. In addition, they couple enjoyed sports activities together, such as badminton, mountaineering, and canoeing.
Image source: Chinayes.com
Jayne: So Aaron may be getting married before Ekin, if he were to remain an eternal bachelor. A little disappointed by Ekin’s decision….
Gigi was very cute lady but Ekin did not value and appreciate her but it was best to get seperated when no love remained.
Back to the topic, if they feel happy with the principle of “no marry no kid,” it will be fine. I am just feeling that they might probably very regret when they get older.
Told ya!
I am actually very disappointed with Ekin’s decision. I thought that Aaron was bad but at least he is still considering marriage while Ekin won’t at all. I can’t believe that Yoyo is like that too. I have a feeling that they may not want to really be together for the rest of their lives. If they really did, then they should get married and all. If they don’t and they don’t have any kids, then they can just easily leave each other with absolutely nothing to bind them. Now I really question whether they will last or not???
I bet they will last, it just prove that Yoyo is trusting Ekin. There are many people married then divorce, yoyo grew up in broken family too. She’s very happy, that’s all she needs. In this event, she said she make breakfast every morning for Ekin. she is very satisfied that she has someone to eat with.
It is true that people get married and then divorced. However, they had something binding and still got separated… In their case, they don’t really have anything legally binding them so they can just leave in the blink of an eye and not have to worry about the processes of a divorce which are a big pain…
If they can leave each other in a blink of an eye, then they not in love and not meant to be. But if they never leave and grow old together, then that is great love, right? Why you all think so negative about they not being married? Why don’t you think in positive way that they really trust and love each other?
I guess I equate to being in love to actually marrying the person. If a person really loves another person, then why not just marry them??? What do you have to lose???
They don’t get married then they don’t love like others?to me, It’s more difficult to stay together for a long time without married, ……
@HeTieShou: if two people really love each other, then what’s the purpose of that piece of paper–it’s just an insurance (piece of mind) in case the other one walks. In that case, the trust is not there, so why marry in the first place?
@Anya,
Well, that is just what I think so you don’t need to agree…
@Lee,
I think many of us here have had this discussion before. I don’t think the marriage certificate is just any old piece of paper. It is physically a piece of paper, but the meaning behind it is what is important and it is a piece of paper with a lot of power. Like your degree is a piece of paper, but you work and study for years to get it. It has the power of getting you a job or not in many cases. Money is paper and is really dirty paper as well, but yet people live and die for it…. Therefore, I don’t think a marriage certificate is just any old piece of paper. Once again, I think if you really love and trust a person then why not just marry them??? It’s not like you are taking any risks right??
Marriage is just a piece of paper…u can love without a piece of paper proving your love
If so why so many are reluctant to sign on that paper?
I think it is so sad that many think that marriage is only a piece of paper…. Once again, it is more of the what it represents not the phyisical piece paper itself.
VERY well said, Funn! If it was just any old piece of paper, then why are so many people so relunctant to sign it??
Bc the population has been brought up to believe that marriage is something of extreme importance, something that comes natural in life.
The marriage ritual have been around long enough to be part of the culture. Even small kids growing up are taught that way by watching Disney where the prince marry the princess and they live happily ever after, LOL.
Well im not against marriage, but I just don’t see the value/importance.
Or they’re brought up to believe marriage binds one to responsibility, it is a commitment, like a contract but this is a contract of love and responsibility. Many are reluctant to sign because it binds you, you losses a part of your freedom, you give up certain rights in exchange of another, your identity is now fused with another, you’re no longer alone, you don’t act alone, you don’t and can’t just walk out, it is as much as a celebration of togetherness as it is a death to independence. It is a huge responsibility. Many are reluctant to sign not because it is meaningless piece of paper, but in their hearts they know, no matter what words they use to say how meaningless it is, in their hearts they know a marriage certificate is as much as an alteration of your legal rights as it is a change in your fundamental self; you are no longer alone, nor are you free to act alone. For some it is a joy to share, for others it is a dread to become so close to another.
The ultimate test in love to me is for a person who is scared of commitment to commit himself or herself in the simplest way; signing on that dotted line of that meaningless piece of paper. It is in the end a show of respect for your partner, a confirmation that you may be 2 individuals, but 2 that are bound as one for as long as you don’t sign the divorce papers.
HST,
Comparing “pieces of papers”, you bring up degrees as something that’s important. Well, I hope you do remember some of the most talented people do not have degrees. Are you going to go up to Bill Gates and say, Ohh, it’s SO SAD that you do not complete your degree? Or Mark Zuckerberg? No. Why not? It’s what’s inside that is more important, not some piece of paper. If someone is good, they are good. Likewise, if some people can have a healthy and fulfilling relationship, that’s all they need.
If people can stay together and love each other, without even needing that proof, MORE POWER TO THEM. As they do not require a piece of paper to bind each other together, their trust in each other is enough to substantiate their relationship.
Many people who do not believe in marriages, often had bad experiences in their childhood.
Mine? Gee, where should I start. My dad had an affair, is abusive and an alcoholic. Not a single exaggeration there. My mum loves “face” in chinese terms, and doesn’t want a divorce, and said “it’s for the kids”, when THESE KIDS wanted them to get a divorce so they don’t have to wake up to screaming at 3 in the morning (First time when I was 5, woke up to screaming downstairs and I sat on the stairs listening and cried), or an abusive father who chase after them with a golf club and had to lock themselves in the room (Oh this? when I was 7 or 8), or punch them when he’s drunk until they have bruises all over their body, including the face, and had to call in sick to work. (Ooh latest??? 23 or 24??)
And guess what? They are still married. *plays the wedding march*
Even nowadays, many of my mum’s friends, except maybe one or two, do not know about their situation. What a joke. And during CNY or holiday, they will ask after my dad, and my mum will make some random answer, and I will just laugh.
That is a marriage. A farce of a marriage. But still a marriage.
I do not think that Ekin and Yoyo and other couples who do not see the need to get married requires your sympathy, as they are probably WAYYYYYY happier than many married couples including yourself, as they know what they want, and do not have to follow what society dictates.
Nicole, I am sorry to read about your jerk father. Do not use him or your parent’s sham marriage as an example. Be hopeful, stay hopeful. Some day every one of us who hasn’t will meet a man or woman who we are willing to be tied to for eternity. Marriage, and I do mean those legal marriages means something even in the cynical world today. Love is love, you’re right, and a piece of paper should not define that for us. But from the way you say it, you think it is meaningless because of your parents’ conduct. Children often view the world through the conduct of their parents. They set the precedent, fortunately or unfortunately.
Marriage certificate is not an education certificate. It is a different matter, as different as it is between a marriage license and a driving license. In education you choose your own road, if you fail, you can start again or leave. Marriage is not that simple, and shouldn’t be that simple.
All I can say is I am hopeful. I hope to meet a man of my dreams. A good man deserving of me, one whom I will want to spend the rest of my life with, one who I will willingly sign on the meaningless piece of paper. The paper is meaningless, you’re right until you decide it is important enough for you to place meaning into it. Until then, no marriage certificate can bind a marriage unless you really believe in the institution of marriage. I am also a believer that if someone don’t want to be with you any more, no matter how you cling to him or her, it is meaningless.
So in the end all I can say be hopeful. Someday, you will fall in love, and sometime during that love phase you will probably wonder about marriage, and if the man is as eager as you are, sign on that paper but for the right reason. Not because you believe staying together must be through a marriage certificate, etc but because you’re both in love and would want to commit to one another. And commitment isn’t buying a pet dog and raising together, but even simpler and yet wholly complicated; just a signature, your entire self is changed.
I am not a hopeless romantic but I do see the value in marriage. Which is why so many gay couples want that right. And yet we deny them. Those who has that right, refuses. Life is irony in play.
And another note. Do not live in with the guy unless you’re absolutely ok with the consequences. I quote Daniel Craig as an example. Look how easily he dumped his ex fiancee. And how fast he married another. Some may call him heartless, but I say reality is this.
Funn, you might be right however a person can still be responsible and fully committed even without a marriage certificate it just depends on the person.
On the other hand there is nothing to prevent walking out on each other. Sure it’s alot more complicated in terms of sharing the financial assets and other issues for married couples.
Think you are right that many are afraid of losing their identity and/or independence.
LOL, sure your ultimate test is a easy one. For me it would be: willing to risk your own life in an attempt to save the one you love 🙂
@Nicole, I agree with your view on marriage. Sorry to hear about your sad upbringing that must have been hard. Hope you have been out already.
I just don’t understand why “face” is so important? Is the perception on you by other people more important than happiness?
Well Nicole, you can think what you like. My point of comparing the “pieces of paper” were that they are just not any old piece of paper. The meaning behind them is what is important… OF COURSE, I know that some of the most talented people did not have degrees. But you know what, HOW many of those people are there out there?? Not many at all… How many Thomas Edisons and Mark Zuckerberg’s can you find?? not many and they are some of the really rare and talented people that are special and don’t need to have to a degree to prove themselves.
Sorry to hear about your father… But anyways, you can think or say what you like and I think what I think……
@Funn,
I totally agree with you about the value of marriage which is what many gay and lesbian couples have been fighting for and are still fighting for. They have to fight for that right but yet they are denied, while there are people who have that right but choose not to go through with it.
Exoidus I do believe there will be someone willing to die for you but not willing to marry you.
Funn, I think I know who the someone might be, hehe…
@Nicole,
Excuse me, but you have no right to say that if I am happy or not. But your information, I am not married yet.Even if I was, what right do you have to say that I am happy or not?? However, I personally would refuse to be with a guy that refuses to marry me. My family also would not approve of it either… But anyways, whoever just wants to be with someone and not get officially married, then that is their choice….
Dear Funn,
Actually I have a boyfriend of almost 10 years. We met when I was 17, and we lived together until I completed my degree, and broke up and dated around, and got back together about 2 years back.
I do feel strongly about no marriage and children, because of the things I have experienced, and also that of my friends. Before you start thinking that all my friends must be riff-raffs, I can honestly say that many of them are scholarship holders, lawyers, doctors, accountants, most of whom I went to a very elite school with, yet many also had a deploring childhood/teenage life, I’ll give you a few examples – like a child of a “mistress”, another a child whose parents act so holy in church, but beat him up and lock him in his room, so he can’t call any one for help, a child whose parents gambled away his University tuition fees that his grandmother saved for him. Many more… Those are just some of my closest friends who told me, what about those who are not as close? Acquaintances?
These are the holy sanctions of “family” and “marriage” that society and ignorance pile on us, but how many of us, especially kids, had experienced such sadness?
Many families that look like “model families” on the outside, are actually hollow shells.
Mostly, I find it offensive that HST goes around imposing her own traditional ideals of what marriage should be, without considering other peoples’ beliefs. I don’t go around finding her sad because she doesn’t believe in God, and will not be able to go to heaven? Why? Because I believe everyone has their own right to choose their own lifestyles, including gays, Buddhists AND unmarried couples.
@HST,
So who made you God to dictate that Yoyo and Ekin will not be the “Thomas Edison” and “Bill Gates” of unmarried couples?
You can predict the future?
What you said –
“I am actually very disappointed with Ekin’s decision”
If Mark Zuckerberg’s parents were very disappointed in their son’s decision, and forced him to stay in college, will FB be as it is today?
@HST
Gay couples and gay supporters fight for the right, because we are ALL EQUALS, but regardless of whether they are married or not, they are still happy together?
Why do you feel sad for unmarried heterosexual couples then? Aren’t they just as equal as homosexual couples to have the right to not get married if they do not wish to?
@HST
You said “Excuse me, but you have no right to say that if I am happy or not. But your information, I am not married yet.Even if I was, what right do you have to say that I am happy or not?? ”
Sigh, please scroll up and read your own words about Yoyo and Ekin. May I ask you what right do you have to say that they are not in love just because they are not married?
Look, I do not believe in marriage and family, but do I go to Annie man’s wedding post and say “I FIND IT SAD THAT PEOPLE HAVE TO RESORT TO MARRIAGE TO BIND THEM TO A RELATIONSHIP? I GUESS I DO NOT EQUATE BEING IN LOVE TO ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED. IF A PERSON REALLY LOVES ANOTHER PERSON, THEN WHY DO THEY NEED TO GET MARRIED? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE IF YOU ARE REALLY LOVE THE PERSON?” (Paraphase of what you said above about Ekin and Yoyo)
Don’t you find that akin to what you are doing here? Respect others, respect yourself.
Nicole,
I am not here to judge your decisions. To each his or her own but I must say this much; maybe one day you might the urge, the itch, the push. Maybe! No children too? I do notice you impose other’s views and experiences and your own past experiences on your own future decision. I am sure you’re still young. Take your time, don’t just say no right now. Don’t let your familial life and the experiences of your friends’ friends’ friends to influence your choices. Love, life, children, they’re worth a shot, a gamble.
I too come from a divorced family. Not abusive physically, but my mother was verbally abused and once or twice physically too but not an often thing. My father’s family hates my mom, my mother’s family hates my mom. She was kicked out when I was 5, I don’t remember much frankly but I remember the next 3 years where I lived with her from babysitters to babysitters, each has children who in turn bullied me. I was very very lonely and it was a tough time. But at the end of the day I still want to experience a family life, and I believe in love and that marriage certificate that binds. My point is as John Lennon says, Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. You will never ever no. No marriage, I understand but don’t close the doors on children. Again you will never know.
And I hope second time for you is sweeter! It is much sweeter to part and then find one another again. Hopefully this time it is for keeps, marriage or no marriage.
P/s Nicole, I know this is a very personal question but does your boyfriend feel the same way as you do about marriage and especially children?
Dear Funn,
Actually, among those friends whom I had mentioned, my boyfriend is one of those, so you can say that we do have similar backgrounds and views about marriage and kids. However, I do think that he is the more hopeful one like you are. So I’m like 100% against, and he’s more on the shelf? But since he understands what I went through, it’s easier for him to agree with me. And when you truly love someone, you will support and aid in their beliefs.
About children, the main reason why I do not want kids, is that I do not wish for them to come in the world and “suffer” due to bad parenting like my friends and I did. Maybe because I do not think I will be a good parent, due to my personality, you can probably tell I’m rather hot-tempered, superficial, impatient, etc, and frankly I do not have the patience to see them through 20 or more years. At the lowest points in my life, I even wish that my parents did not give birth to me, if they are not able to do some responsible parenting. Sometimes I feel that I’m born with my parents’ genes. They are the mirror of who I will become to my kids.
I do wish that I have a less cynical view.
I note that you come from a divorced family (and had bad experiences with it), so maybe that’s the reason for you wishing to experience family life, but I come from a “married” family (and had bad experiences with it), so I wish for the opposite when it’s my turn to choose.
I do think that second time around, we are both more mature, especially me, and know what we want in life.
Exoidus,
I have no idea why “face” is so important to chinese people either. Can someone enlighten us?
Here’s another hilarious incident to save “face”.
When my dad had an affair, and my mum found out about it through an anonymous letter, we had to write journals in school, and I wrote about it in my journal, and the teacher called me into the counselor’s office, and called my parents too. And to save “face”, my parents told me beforehand to say that I copied it from a book because my life was too boring.
Nicole,
I do feel your childhood pain, as I myself did not have a very happy childhood. My parents had an arranged marriage, which was customary of the Chinese village practices at the time. My uncle also had an arranged marriage and over time, these two marriages suffered in different ways over time.
My uncle has an ongoing affair, for the last 10 years. She is a friend of the family, has met his wife and children. My uncle sees his female friend (who is divorced) as his true soul mate, as he can share problems with her that she can help him with. My cousin is bipolar depressive (it runs in my mother’s side of the family) and my uncle’s friend cared for her, advised her and took her to medical appointments. She truly wished my cousin to get better and the children in the family see her as a family friend.
My uncle and aunt still live together. They have their share of arguments, but basically they have this arrangement for financial reasons. My aunt does not have a money to be on her own and my uncle while he had asked for divorce, never did. He still provides for my aunt and his children. He and my aunt are almost like strangers at home and have slept in different beds for many years. But they hold on, perhaps thinking at this age (mid 50s) they do not want a divorce, they have come this far in life already. Basically my uncle has accepted the fact that he cannot truly be with the one he loves and still bound in obligation to my aunt. Their children also do not want to see them to get divorced.
Ever since I was a child and had vivid memories, my father and mother have been arguing on a daily basis. My father is a man who reacts with rage under minor annoyances and he is verbally abusive to the entire family for many years. He has not changed and will never change, incapable of change so to say. He is a very self-centered person who can only see things from his perspective and in old age, he is even less reasonable. In my childhood, I didn’t understand why my father was the way he is, where all his actions was about himself and his needs. My family used to have shouting matches every night, where the neighbors knew all our family issues. My parents stayed together because they do not believe in divorce. My mother has long lost any hope in finding her true love and transferred all the love she was capable of onto her daughters instead.
I used to feel a lot of shame in how my family is structured, angry at my father for causing everyone unhappiness. But my mother compensated in loving my sister and I and thus gave me hope for having a family of my own one day. Six years ago, my father had a stroke and that incident made us come to together as a family, that no matter what he has done, we still care for his well being.
Many families have their own set of problems as you had mentioned. However, as you grow older and step out of the shadow of your childhood and begin living your own life and your own choices, you will be much happier.
I am much happier now than I was as a child because I am capable of choosing my own life now rather than my parents defining what kind of life I should have.
We all have different tendencies as people and while I understand where you cynicism towards marriage and children come from, I do think the situation may be different than how your parents’ marriage may be. You boyfriend is not your father and while you inherited some of your parents’ tendencies, you are still unique individuals. Although your childhood makes you question whether marriage is necessary, it is an issue which you may feel differently about in later years.
Sometimes it just takes faith. Having kids also allows you to deflect attention upon yourself and focus on other individuals. Sometimes this may be the best remedy in healing past emotional pain, when you look outside of your own internal self. I think children bring great hope in our lives; their easy joy from simple things remind us that life does not need to be so complicated and allow us to relive a childhood that we wished we had.
Nicole,
Thank you for your honesty. Not that I am questioning you, I am just being a busybody! I find it fascinating to meet people who says so clearly I don’t want children, I don’t want marriage. I wonder what makes them say that? You have explained well. But let me put to you a hypothesis; what if you boyfriend wants you to make an honest man out of him? What if he wants children? Will you agree?
“I note that you come from a divorced family (and had bad experiences with it), so maybe that’s the reason for you wishing to experience family life”
Nahhhh.. no co-relation. I might have considered that but seriously, no is my answer. I have a very happy family life, minus parents. I have 2 devoted sisters who basically became my surrogate parents. My parents being apart and ignoring one another’s existence is to me nothing bad. Why I support a family life is because that’s how I see it. Everyone wants to be happy, everyone wants companionship. So I would naturally assume at some point a family is what everyone wants. And that includes a spouse and children. That is what I assume. There are those who don’t want them, for whatever reason, but I do personally feel mostly to them they reason my childhood was bad, I heard horror stories but the truth is, deep down I feel it is fear. Fear that you won’t be better parents than your parents, fear that their bad genes passed to you and then passed to them. That extends to marriage and children, in other words commitment and responsibilities, those that parents failed terribly, you see such examples and you think, no way I want to be like them. It boils down to that inner deep fear, which I have too. I fear responsibility. It is a huge one. But at the end of the day, some will push aside the fear and try it out; some to some regrets but in the end it was better than it was worse.
I can never understand why some people underestimate themselves over something they have never tried. You have never walked, but you took the first step, and now you can run. You may be unsure of your exams, but you studied hard and now you got yourself an education. You don’t know how to travel to another place, you took the first step and now you’re a traveler. It all starts with the first step. I know it is trivial but when I was planning my very first trip to Tokyo, and I know some of my friends know this, I was scared stiff. I worried so much. I worried about language, I worried about doing it alone, I worried about transport, how am I ever gonna feed myself, etc. I panicked big time. I went, with my sister and we both got lost big time but made it back to the hotel and it was an unforgettable experience but at the end of the day it was life experience I enjoyed, despite the worries, the fear, the doubts.
The point is if you’re on a doubtful journey, it gets easier when your loved ones is next to you. Less fear. And if you go through it with sincerity, it can be done. This includes motherhood. What is there to fear? Just because your parents were losers, don’t mean you’re one, doesn’t mean your child will be. We are by what we do. As long as you sincerely set a good example for your child, and children are smart creature but they need rules, discipline and above all else, a good role model, they will in the end turn out well.
That’s how I see things. Anyway when I said you, I don’t mean you. I just mean you as in general readers.
This topic is getting interesting though. The debate between “Why Not?” and “Why must I?”. It is free will. But often many couple forgets, it is not always I in this couple. Have anyone ever talk to their partners about what the partner really wants? Does he or she always have to give way to the other and that would mean he or she loves me? What if we are asked to give way? Do we?
And seriously, I form all these opinion after watching Journey To The West TVB version. The things I learn from it hit me to my inner deepest core. I identify so much with the characters, and those I know with them. That is why till this day I love that series. It is one of those very few that entertained me and educated me about life. We may be a bit like the pig, who loves a little too much, a little too human or we could be as simplistic as the 3rd disciple or as hot tempered like Wukong or as idealistic but sometimes it can hurt us like the monk. The journey they took taught them life, the experiences of life. Whilst I hated JTTW II, I do remember the last episode of what the monk said why they undertook the journey; not really about getting the scriptures but to learn about life, only then they can preach about the solutions. The experience is what they were learning. And Wukong in the end had that head band taken off but it remained forever in his heart, to remind him of what he went through and how he should act.
So I do believe, if you go through life with sincerity and a bit of compassion, if better with a dose of empathy and a dash of passion for something, you may fall, but you can always stand up and dust yourself and walk on. Like the 4 guys and the horse did in JTTW. I know it is fiction (although some may dispute the fiction part) but it is of such profound meaning to me it goes beyond fiction.
The same goes for the more cynical Metamorphosis which I finally read. How sad life is for the sad sad insect and yet I identified with him. I read and that could be me! But that is too cynical. See things positively and things will work itself out. I really do believe that because if I don’t, life is unbearable.
Funn,
If he wants children, I suggest he borrow his brother’s children for a few days and see how he likes being a single parent!
You have brought up travelling and exams as an example, but I simply do not agree. When it comes to exams, the only one you are responsible for, is yourself. If you do not do a good job, the only one you have to blame, is yourself! Likewise, when travelling, your partners and yourself are all consenting adults. These I do not mind trying at, because the only person I will be affecting, is myself, and if I do not do a good job, the one who will bear the blunt of impact is myself, and not some helpless child who were placed in my responsibility.
However, with children, these are human beings put in one’s care, not lab rats for people to “try” or “experiment” with. Anything that one does, even something unrelated to the child, will have a residual impact on the child. Failing in this situation, affects way more people than yourself. And it’s much easier to fail in this aspect. With exams, digest the entire text and peer journals, and you will be well prepared; with travelling, do some extensive research, a lonelyplanet guide, an iphone with some apps, will make your journey smooth. However, children aren’t something you can solve with a book or an iphone app.
When we watch TVB series, we are constantly reminded that one child will cost 4mil HKD and that does not even include add-ons like private/overseas schooling, annual vacations. I want to retire when I’m 40, not slog my whole life away at a job. Sometimes I question my older colleagues, and they admit that they are afraid of leaving a job they dislike, due to worry of not being able to provide for their family. I look at them, and how they sacrifice the bulk of their lives for the kids, and while I admire that, it’s not what I want to do.
There are many things I will give in about, but kids is definitely not one of them.
In fact, even in a situation where I MUST have children, I would rather go through adoption. Better to have one less suffering child on the earth, than bring another child into the world to suffer.
Wow, one celebrity topic and it sparks a huge conversation about personal views. Interesting to read about different opinions around the world.
Nicole, I just wanted to give you props for deciding on your path and sticking to it. Society can be very harsh on people who deviate from the ‘normal’ road. I wish you much luck with your relationship and hope you both achieve much happiness regardless of a signed piece of paper.
I’m not anti-marriage, although I will not define myself by my marriage status. I do believe that a relationship, whether it is defined by a marriage certificate or not, means something different to every person. And for some people, they don’t need a legal piece of paper to tell them that they are committed to each other. Conversely, there will be people who won’t stick things out and will look for a divorce lawyer the first time things get sticky.
@Nicole,
Sorry but you also don’t have the right to dictate whether I am happy or not. First of all, you make it seem like being married is a big nightmare or something… I STILL believe that if you love someone THAT Much, then you don’t lose anything by marrying them. But whatever, each to their own and you say or think what you like. I was just giving my opinion about Ekin and Yoyo, so NO I was NOT trying to a God or anything. Who said that you or anyone had to listen to what I say???!!! Geez!!
HST,
I have already gave examples of why you went out of line with your “opinion” on Yoyo and Ekin. Like I said, you always say that everyone has their own opinion, that includes Yoyo and Ekin too. Many of the things you said here, if I posted those on Annie Man’s news about her marriage, is considered very rude.
You constantly harp that If you love someone so much, what’s wrong with marrying them. But why can’t you see it this way, If you love someone so much, why do you need a marriage to show that you love them?!
I do not have a right to dictate whether you will be happy or not, then what are you doing above ?
Issue of couple want without marriage and without children is controversial and hard to be justified by outsider. Who know without marriage they can stay together for last long or break up in future. Marriage should take seriously as form of promising bind between couple but should not see as necessarily in life.
@HeTieShou
Yes, we went to school to get that degree and we needed that piece of paper to prove that we qualified for certain jobs. But, this procedure is driven by the way our society operates–having a degree somehow means we are certified with certain knowledge–makes it easier for company to screen out people (billions of us on this planet) who haven’t properly gone through the proper training.
However, a relationship is between two people. If they are truly in love, then they know how much effort and commitment they have put into the relationship. Signing that paper only gives the other person a piece of mind that his/her partner is “committed”. However, if you truly love that person, you would know s/he is committed, then there’s no need to sign that piece of paper. By going through the marriage procedure, two people are showing that they don’t have that 100% trust. They still need that piece of paper to “hold on” to their partner. If I really love and trust that person, I don’t need that piece of paper to tell me that I do–in a way, it’s an insult.
And btw, I would hire someone in a heart beat (even without that diploma) for a job if s/he can demonstrate the required knowledge/skill.
Sky, I agree.” By going through the marriage procedure, two people are showing that they don’t have that 100% trust. They still need that piece of paper to “hold on” to their partner. If I really love and trust that person, I don’t need that piece of paper to tell me that I do–in a way, it’s an insult.”
Lee this is a twisted view of marriage. Somehow I feel amongst the younger generation, it would seem marriage is a dying concept. Many see marriage as a burden rather than a celebration of togetherness. In a way I am rather saddened by this view but again it is a matter of choice. Marriage is between 2 people. If commitment and trust and love is very important, which it is, so why does signing on a piece of paper so very hard for these very same people? Because in the end there is no true commitment.
Just a note. In many countries children born out of wedlock is illegitimate and in many countries if the man dies without a will the illegitimate child can’t inherit. Some countries do not recognise common law marriages and if sayyyy man dies,without a will, the woman can’t inherit.
It is of profound legal consequences. If you really love that person, if you have no wish to marry, but have children, do the decent thing and make sure write a Will.
Funn,
“Somehow I feel amongst the younger generation, it would seem marriage is a dying concept. Many see marriage as a burden rather than a celebration of togetherness.”
From the various responses posted, I see similiar underlying reasons why marriage may be rejected by some people. It is not about whether there is love or enough of love to wish to get married. It is about the person’s underlying habits, lifestyle, and perspective on love to shape the marriage decision:
1) Convenience- Living together is more convenient than marriage
Marriage may be seen as a traditional concept which lays out legal and social rules as to how two people should act. While couples who wish to be together only wish to make the relationship about themselves and the feelings they have for each other. More couples are living together early in their dating relationship. Cohabitation in some ways resembles closely to marriage already.
People are opting for more flexible relationship arrangements that celebrate togetherness such as living together, without the responsibilities. Commitment is seen as resulting in more responsibilities not only to each other any more, but also adopting the in-laws as your family that you must see and deal with on a more frequent basis.
2) Retain Self-Identity- Prefer “I” versus “We”
Marriage may be seen to bring about a change in identity, where “I” become “We.” Where what “I want” now has to become what “we want.” Your lives become so intertwined that some people do not wish for such entanglements, which people who are against marriage see it as constrictive. You may even argue that people who do not want marriage may have a strong independent identity and not wish to change for a spouse. If such demands for change persists, then it is easier to walk.
I think people who wish to get married are okay in accepting changes and transitions in life, where “I” now becomes “We,” to have a sense of belongingness. To accept that our self-identity will change, will be impacted because we are now a “Mrs.” Getting married is more than about the legal papers, it also changes how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself. For example, how you respond to people of the opposite sex flirting with you may be marked different when you are dating while you are married. Some people believe that until the day you are married, you can still choose.
3) Independence/ Freedom- “You do things your way, I do it my way”
Independence is somewhat tied into the self-identity issue. People see compromise as infringing onto their freedom and independence. Living together celebrates togetherness, but also offers couples desire the freedom to choose and walk with less strings attached without marriage.
4) Impermanence- “Marriage does not make a relationship last longer”
This may apply to people who think that marriage will not prevent their partner from cheating. If a person’s heart changes, then being married will not bound them any longer in the relationship. What is the point of marriage, complicating matters, if things are meant to end, then they can end more simply. This may be a view shaped by our childhood experiences, especially if our parents had an emotionally hurtful relationship. We experienced the pain that married couples actually hurt each other more deeply because despite their commitments to each other, they continue to violate them.
Relationships are seen as impermanent and without faith in your partner. “I can’t believe I married this person!” or “You are not the person I married 10 years ago!” etc. This marks a firmly grounded belief that people change for the worst over time and that love will eventually dissolve. With this view, couples would rather enjoy it as long as it lasts, live together etc, but not tie the knot.
To lessen the emotional hurt we may get from others, we may protect ourselves from attaching ourselves less to them, by not marrying them. Or leave them at the first sign of trouble, which may be easier in a non-married relationship.
To simplify matters, the relationship may focus more on the present, if happy now, then no need to change the parameters by introducing marriage to it. Obligation, commitment, faith, and love are seen as less powerful than the ravages of time, temptation, and transformation of love feelings of a relationship over time. Perhaps it boils now to “nothing lasts forever” so why bother? Just enjoy what you have today until it runs out.
I perceive the above reasons as the most obviously cited reasons for not marrying. Convenience is more of a physical/ practical factor and likely more easily changed. If underneath it all, you still have faith in love, then one day you may change your mind to get married. For example, a couple may have kids and then decide to get married. Thus, to do the practical thing, the couple will likely get married before their baby arrives.
The self-identity and freedom reasons cited against marriage may be overcome with aging. Some people take longer than others. Some people never wish to let go. I think as youths, we are very strong about holding on to our self-identity and freedom, but as we age, we may crave for belonging, togetherness, and passing on a legacy through having kids.
The lack in faith in love and that relationships are impermanent may be the resistance that is hardest to change. This is a deeply rooted belief and perspective in life that was carved in our childhood and major part of our lives. It may take meeting the right person who ultimately convinces you to take a shot, to have faith in him, to have a more positive outlook in love and life. Even if the person has negative traits and makes mistakes in the relationship, to continue to have belief in him and work together to have a better future together.
Dating for several decades, even Liza Wang and Law Ka Ying decided to get married. I believe their decision was prompted by Liza and Ka Ying’s cancer. After almost losing each other and wishing to treasure each other more, they decided to get married.
So our yearning to get married or not is indeed a matter of timing. Our beliefs today may not define what they are tomorrow. I think living is about having the courage to let go of our past history and tendencies to try something new.
Life would a self-fulfilling destiny if we hold onto our past tendencies and beliefs as the only way. That if we were to step outside of our comfort zone, then bad things will eventually happen. Such firm beliefs shape our outlook towards the future and may become self-fulfilling. This holds true for seeking out a fortune teller for advance. Is the fortune teller truly so powerful to look into your future or through her advice and your acceptance, it has now become a self-fulfilled destiny?
It is their choice between them.
I know a couple in real life who married for long time, and her husband have mistress. The wife eventually find out and they got a divorce.
Then I know a couple who live together since college, now has been 11 years live together, not married, and they still love each others and still together.
Anyways, just 2 situations I know in real life and see with my own eyes.
Does it matter if they get married or not? Ekin AND Yoyo have decided this. If you want to be together for the rest of your lives who cares if you have it in writing or not? They have probably seen enough couples together when theyre not happy just because they signed a silly sheet. If two people love each other, marriage is just a show for other people. Marriages with rich people are complicated if they split, this keeps it easier and cleaner if something does go wrong. At the end of the day, marriage is just a signed sheet with some photos. If that is the definition of love, rather not bother. You arent more likely to love someone if you have or havent done that, people cheat regardless and people stay together regardless. This is just a new way of thinking.
“maybe one day you might the urge, the itch, the push. Maybe! No children too?”
This reminds me of Tony Leung. I remember in the past he says he doesn’t want to get married or have children because of his childhood. Look at him now, he changed his mind too. Or even Andy Lau. Although he never say he doesn’t want kids/marriage, he’s rushing to have kids now because he’s 50.
Tony said he dun want to have children if he was poor.
I agree, but if it is the choice from both parties, it will be different. Lynn wanna a marriage while Yoyo might dun want. So overall it depends on how Yoyo views this matter.
Ekin and Aaron must be thinking that they’re forever 25
It seems like Ekin’s decision is very similar to Dodo’s decision of not wanting to get married. Aaron, on the other hand, didn’t want to get married probably b/c he was still having fun messing around. I always viewed him as a playboy, hopefully I’m wrong.
Ekin seems more grounded and just isn’t interested in getting married or having kids.
I like both Ekin and Aaron but in this case I say Ekin is the more loyal one. He seems very in love with Yoyo since they are on the same level thinking wise and they just have so much in common. Just because they choose to not hold a marriage certificate doesn’t mean they will break up or leave as if their relationship never happened. Aaron on the other hand states that he wants to get married but who knows if it will ever come true. Maybe he’s just saying that for the heck of it or if he does get married it doesn’t mean he will never divorce whereas the couple without a certificate are actually more stable and truly in love.
I couldn’t say it better :)))
How others choose to live their life is their own choice but it doesn’t mean their loyalty or love is much deeper/lesser than others.
In a normal case scenario, if a woman doesn’t place importance on marriage/kids, it’s so much the better for the man – less string binding him and he feel less pressured (esp. those who’re commitment-phobic and do not want to admit it).
However, there could be many reasons someone (esp. celebrities who’re always in the limelight) makes a major decision like that i.e. a couple having undergone medical check-up, found that either one is infertile (or despite being together so long and yet to conceive) and because of their love for each other, chose to declare that they won’t get married or have children to ease the pressure on another partner. Who really knows except them?
It’s a private matter between both of them and they can just choose to answer ‘we’re happy the way we are’. Then, if one were to suddenly appear with a bulging tummy, get married…
anyone find yoyo’s dress very similar to Annie Man’s bridesmaid dresses? lol… top part looks very similar and it’s the same color too, except yoyo was wearing it for a bobbi brown event.
Hm…why should we be disappointed with how people want to live their lives? That’s the arrangement they have chosen based on their value system. At least they know what they want.
agree with Lee, i am not against marriage or anything but i do believe ppl can make their OWN CHOICES. whos to say right or wrong? happy or unhappy w/ or w/o a piece of paper? It’s their choice and even if they do have kids out of wedlock its their CHOICE. looking at ekins past and dumping g/f its FACT that he would never committ to any women since hes a PLAYER. i am not saying hes right but he makes a choice of how he wants to live his life.
I guess as long as they are happy then that’s fine. I personally do think highly of marriage because it does show commitment and its a life changing and milestone event/day. However, as long as they both agree to it then it shows they are comfortable and in love. The problem only arises when one party wants to eventually get married and the other is still unsure
If someone is monogamy with his/her partner for a long period of time (depending on each individual’s what is considered “long”), then that’s a commitment.
Going out there to get a marriage certificate doesn’t make a person more committed than someone who doesn’t have one. Someone who is “married” can walk anytime.
monogamous
happiness is the most important thng.. marridge isnt.. its just a piece of paper..as long as ekin n yoyo r commited to their relationship
I don’t agree that marriage is just a piece of paper. Like I have said above, it is not just any old piece of paper. I feel that it is sad that some people don’t think so highly of marriage anymore…
It is sad. They see marriage is a contract because they dont believe in true love, they’re self fish, they have been hurt deeply before or seen too many ugly divorces. So much peoples seem to focus on the divorces but not those who actually stayed together forever until they die. Just like the NEWS you only hear bad news never really good NEWS on TV. I see marriage is a beautiful thing and are very romantic. When you found the one you knew it was HIM/HER, you naturally develop faith together and grow to love eachother more as you share your life journey together and grow old together…at the end of your life it is nice to know this person has gone through alot with you and are still there for you aint that something?
@rei
You probably don’t know any of the people on this forum personally. How could you suggest that they have been deeply hurt and selfish just simply because they don’t believe in the importance of a marriage certificate? So, two people can’t commit to each and be with each other for the rest of their lives without having to go through to get a marriage certificate?
You have your value system and others have theirs. There is no need to impose your values onto others. We’re all adults and know that we each hold different beliefs and values. Be respectful of others’ opinions even if they are different from ours.
“When you found the one you knew it was HIM/HER, you naturally develop faith together and grow to love eachother more as you share your life journey together and grow old together…at the end of your life it is nice to know this person has gone through alot with you and are still there for you aint that something?”
Yes, and one can do that without getting married.
I am glad, ekin deserves better!
He deserves better? Ekin is a dog. Maggie dated him when she was famous and had rich men chasing her when she was in her prime and youthful self. Maggie stayed with Ekin because she loved him and saw potential. What did Ekin do when Maggie got too old and wasn’t famous??? He repay Maggie for her devotion by falling for the younger (not a pretty as Maggie when she was young), popular Gigi. Ekin makes me vomit, he isn’t even goodlooking and I hope he gets taken for a ride by Yoyo and she marries him and gets her hand on his fortune.
Sacrifice doesnt equal love or happiness. You can trap a woman/man all you want but you wont be happy. Yes you wont be alone as you will have someone in your house but it’ll never be a proper good functioning relationship. You may not think he is good looking but he can clearly attract the ladies and therefore he must be charming or good to be around. Dont just judge him from the outside. No one knows what happened in that relationship. Everyone changes as they get older and they may become less compatible.
hahaah i agree w/samatha too. this guy is never ATTRACTIVE to begin with n yet this maggie stayed w/him n didnt work after living together n then gigi who is prettier n younger sigh…..this guy really is lucky but again it appears he found someone who didnt want marriage so its the perfect solution for him. v cant judge whether hes right or wrong but v can say hes a JERK. first class kind ahha lol..
damn, i can see a lot of people value marriage.
I’m also disappointed by his decision. This choice reflects a desire for a relationship without commitment. That is not a good character trait.
Although perhaps there is someone better for them than each other…
Yoyo Mung, Yoyo Mung, remember Ekin’s exes Maggie and Gigi, once he gets bored or find someone younger and hotter he is going to dump you (the seven year itch)so before he does that, get him to “put a ring on it”.
Actually, from reading most of the replies…do girls value marriage more than men?
I cant quite tell who is a boy or girl from the screen names. As a guy I find it really interesting if that’s the case. Are there any reasons why?
i don’t really like this couple enough to care if they get married or not, but i’m very interested to know which pair lasts longer – ekin and yoyo or gigi and her husband.
Truly agree!
Too bad they have no plans for children. I know a few people who passed up on having children, and both regret it now.
Yoyo Mung looks so pretty in this picture! Even though they don’t have to marry, shouldn’t they have kids? wow this is sad.
Some people yearn to have children but can’t. So it’s just sad when people who can have children choose not to.
It is their choice.
I don’t understand why someone yearns for something they can’t have means someone else should have it if they’re capable.
Because you never know what you got until you can’t have it??
It is like why some rich ppl can spend a lot of money to have luxury life and it is their fault of having poor ppl?
Actually I know of many people who dont want kids. Their reasons are all valid!!!
It seems like Ekin Cheng does not want to shoulder the responsibility of having to take care of a wife and children.
maybe its about the path of the experience they cherish, not the result.
anyone remember triumph in the skies, myolies character telling francis that?
Marriage complicates a relationship, and I think both Ekin and Yoyo understand that. I’ve seen married couples who had great relationships before marriage that turned sour after getting married, and many times it’s because either the spouse and or the spouses’ family can’t get along with each other. In-laws can really break a relationship, especially in marriages where couples have strong family bonds. We tend to gravitate or support our own family members, and sometimes blindly do so because of kinship than to remain neutral shall argument ensues between the couples’ parents.
one more thing I would like to add about marriage, when one partner earns more than the other partner and they have a joint account, the partner that earns more feels the privilege to spend more on his/her family members, which will make the lesser-salary-earned partner feel furious, unfair, and doubtful when he/she gets the angry or annoyed look from the high-salary-earned partner for spending money on his/her family members.
I was surprised by Yoyo’s reply to the topic. I thought the decision to not have children is understandable but I thought they were planning to get marry. I guess they seem like they are in a stable relationship where they came to a mutual agreement and understanding about such an important topic in life. Since they both agreed, they seem like they are thinking about each other in their future together.
Getting marry is a way of saying this person is mind and Im his forever I think it is the most romantic thing you could do for one another although it is challening but everything is challenging in life. That great commitment is to reward you with a child of your own created by you and your hubby is the most beautiful experience so beautiful that it brings families and friends together. To me that is a great example of true love. Love is to give…I think Ekin and Yoyo are afraid of a life time commitment to another person as long as they’re happy right now it is okay with them. But people get old when you die you want to have your kids or grand kids to be surrounding you before you leave this earth. I just think they may regrat as they age, even if you adopted a few kids it is not a creation of your own that shows a symbol of your love for the one you love the most on earth.
I think Aaron wants to get marry but he enjoys being famous and making money more. He probably still feels young at heart so he doesnt want to face the fact he is getting older each year. It is his decision but I think it is a pretty sad scene to see when Aaron is full of white hair with an draggy old face sick or dying in his bed with no kids by his side. Nobody is there at the funderal to speak about his good as a person except the media or his friends who probably were all dead. I mean it’s pretty SAD!
Everyone should be equal I agreed! But thats one thing it cannot be link to marriage that’s another different topic. In nature only a man and a woman could create babies naturally and that is what marriage is about to create your own family and it’s been done like it is for thoudsands and thousands of years. So gay right is BS its all for attention and power to force others who doesnt believe their behavior is normal to accept it. If they could naturally create another human being without using any help then maybe I’ll change my mind on them otherwise I just dont buy it and would continue voting NO FOR GAY MARRIAGE.
Just because something has been done thousands and thousands of years does not mean we should continue on that road. So, according to your definition, marriage is about procreation. So should the government or society not allow heterosexual to get married if they don’t intend to have children. Nonsense!
If people want to get married, then let them be married. Is it wrong if someone wants to married himself or herself? After all, we trust and love ourselves more than anyone else–we should anyway.
@rei: Oh BTW, loving oneself does not mean one is selfish. We cannot truly love others unless we know how to love ourselves :).
I find it a bit contradictory in some of your comments. You believe that if two people are committed to each other, then they should get married. Then again, you want to deny a committed gay couple to get married just because they are gay.
I don’t belief in the value or importance of married. However, because of the way our society operates, marriage comes with various family/civil benefits. If some people want to get married so they could “enjoy” the same benefits, I don’t see why we should deny them of their rights. As a society, we should be more tolerant and open-minded. Let people live their lives even if their values are different from ours. They are not hurting anyone by getting or not getting married, are they?
So you suggest wat to the gay couples? Tell them that they are sick and have to learn to love women? They just CAN’T do that.
what’s up with those guys don’t want to get married? that’s so stupid….
Wow, you’re deep.
Agree Jayne! very disappointed and i always thought he is difference :/
I Also really enjoy reading every1 opinions on about marriage n childrens, especially Jayne and Funn opinions i really like every words n sentences.
being someone who is afraid of committments and responssibilities, atleast both Ekin n Yoyo is making the right decision. ekin has been hoping from Maggie to Gigi and now Yoyo (maybe there are even more – but doesnt matter). I have no confidence that Ekin n Yoyo will last for long. and if my words are right, if they have kids, it will be unfair and traumatising for the kids. so, i m fully with Ekin n Yoyo’s decision not to have kids!
a lot of ppl are not afraid of marriage. it’s the headache of whether the marriage works or not. if it doesn’t work, you’ll have to seek divorce and divorce is the most painful and tedious things that no one like to go through. so, i would say that most men and women are afraid of what if the marriage dont work out?
If don’t have a confidence, it’s BEST not to engage marriage.
If there’s no marriage, what is there to talk about?…..Security or family warmness at old age? Who will gonna pick up your **** and lick your butt when you’re ill then? Forget about it!
Women will always be a loser!!
I strongly suspect either Ekin’s cock or all his precious testicles have gone “DEAD.”
Otherwise, why is he so humble or humiliatingly disgusting when it comes to marriage??
I’m glad they are not having kids.
I’ve a feeling Ekin will make a bad dad!
Yoyo, dump Ekin and find someone who loves and cherish you! 6 years is long enough!