Charmaine Sheh on Ageism in Dating
Having over 10 boyfriends in the past, Charmaine Sheh (佘詩曼) has gained insight over what makes or breaks a relationship. Sharing her advice on Chinese variety show Dating With the Parents <新相親大會>, Charmaine was passionate in urging men to try dating older women and not be afraid to approach them.
In the episode, there was a female guest who was not successful in finding a partner, as her qualifications were intimidating and she was older than the man she was paired with. Identifying with the woman, Charmaine is also at the peak of her career and having difficulty finding the right partner.
“In my opinion, all three ladies this season have the perfect package. I encourage the men to not shy away when the woman is older, and not have feelings of inferiority due to differences in achievements or social-economic status. For example, the men thought that the first lady was very sweet and they liked her. Once they learned her age, they seemed not as accepting. I encourage them to give it a try, and get to know her. You’ll come to realize the doubts that you were having are not that important in the long run, or it might turn out to be something you were actually looking for,” the 46-year-old actress urged.
Adding extra words of encouragement for the ladies, Charmaine said, “I hope every woman can listen to her heart. Don’t give in to unnecessary gossip. Don’t ever compromise on your values just to accommodate. Be brave in loving the right person!”
With her encouragement, it led viewers to wonder whether Charmaine is hinting that she is open to a relationship with a younger man as well?
Source: On.cc
This article is written by Kiki for JayneStars.com.
Forced to Mature as a Child: Charmaine Sheh Didn’t Have an Ordinary Childhood
Her encouragement is pointless.
Most guys prefer cute, young girls. Look at kpop industry. The girl bands are no longer needed after 7 years. There’s always new and younger attractive girls out there. So what if you have a good personality. There’s a-lot of people out there with great personality.
Unless she’s down for a guy who is dependent on her financially lol
@tapiocacat lol…Exactly!! Not all but majority wants YOUNGER women period. It’s reality.
@tapiocacat
That is true in general,but it depends on the guy too as some prefer older women. But on the same token, many women prefer older men too. However, it depends on the individual too.
These older women are in better shape than paunchy and greasy older men who cradle rob younger women. Look at Nicholas Tse’s dad for example. He’s not paunchy but definitely greasy and slimey looking.
@msxie0714
To be fair, older women go after guys who are way younger too. I think it is ok regardless of gender as long as they are both above the legal age, are willing and the age gap is not too ridiculously big. In Nic’s dad’s case, the age gap is ridiculously big but that girl is willing too so you cannot blame it all on him since it takes 2 to tango.
Haha I read something like this philosophy a while back:
Younger men should date older women so they can learn from older women. And then once they’re older, date younger women so they can teach them things. Once both sexes are old, they will then have finished their jobs and should then date each other.
It is not up to Charmaine Sheh to tell people who to date, age wise or otherwise. All she has to do is find someone who she thinks is suitable and compatible for her, case closed
@renren
I agree and I wonder if she is advocating for herself as she is older now and hopes to date a younger guy. Maybe she should just stay single as not everyone must get married and have kids. She seems like more of a career woman anyways.
It’s an ingrained cultural and patriarchal convention for men to be older than women in the relationship. My mom is a couple of years older than my dad, but they still call each other the pronouns for “older brother/guy” and “younger sister/gal”. They hid their ages and I never knew my mom was older till I became an adult.
Age shouldn’t matter with adults, but it is a hard implicit bias to overcome. You have to be a secure man and feminist to date an older woman. Otherwise, it’s going to be a bumpy road.
@potatochip
Let’s say she did find a guy who is younger. But it’s hard for them especially when she’s a famous and successful celebrity. And the “younger guy” also need to have cool family and cool friends and the whole entertainment industry (media/fans) whom will accept their relationship.
And they have to be ready for the below label:
1. Younger Brother/ Older Sister relationship
2. (If he’s poor) Soft Rice King
People usually prefer a stress-free relationship xD
@tapiocacat
True but you know what, life is short and we should live for ourselves not others. They will not do anything for us.
@tapiocacat Yeah, I agree. It is very hard. It’s not easy to overcome all of that and support from friends is also important. I hope, if she wants it, finds someone that is suitable for her regardless of age, and that they can overcome these challenges.
@tapiocacat
former HK/canadian actress Christy Chung is on her third marriage to a much younger guy 12 years her junior. So far they’re still married although he’s not as famous or rich as she is.
@msxie0714
But I heard they had major problems in their marriage but let’s hope it is not as bad as the press says.
@hetieshou Oh! I saw the show:
https://www.jaynestars.com/news/shawn-zhang-disses-wife-christy-chung-on-reality-show-shes-just-plain-lazy/
His personality seems like the Boss of the Family even though he’s younger
@potatochip
That is sadly how old school thinking is but luckily things are better now. I used to think that way myself as I was heavily influenced by my late parents. However, I evolved from that and realize that age is not everything and as long as the age gap is not ridiculously big whether older or younger then I am fine with it. I am sure many people have evolved from that as well.
@hetieshou Oh, I hope I didn’t sound like I was agreeing with that mentality. Just noting that it is present and difficult to overcome. Times are shifting, but not quite fast enough.
@potatochip
Oh no you did not sound like that at all. It is still hard to overcome but is better now, especially among the younger generation. The old folks still sadly think that way for the most part. I wish times shifted faster too but everything takes time and work. One of the things that truly made me change from that was something my late parents said. They said that it is ok even for the guy to be 20 years older but not ok for a woman to be even a few years older. They claimed it was because men don’t age as fast as women. In my family, one of my uncles is 15-16 years older than my aunt but now they are on par in appearance as they claim. I personally don’t think so but their point was women age a lot faster. That was when I began to wonder if anything my parents said was “accurate” or not. I think whether it be the man or woman, as long as the age gap is reasonable then it is acceptable. But sadly many of the old folks still think that it is perfectly ok for the man to be a lot older even if the age gap is big. Like look at Kevin Cheng and Grace Chan. He is 22 years older and most are accepting since the guy is older. Now if it were the woman, then I bet many would have rolled their eyes already.
@hetieshou We are all linked to the older traditional culture and values. Maybe things will change in 100 years later? But by then we won’t exist to know hahaha
@tapiocacat
I don’t think it will take that long but things are changing. However, it is slow… Yup, most of us will be dead by then… ha..ha…
I think Charmaine is better off on her own. Why would she need a man to fill her life when she has the career, good financial, looks, capability. It is better to be single than married to the wrong person.
@hayden She just wants to have it all. Who doesn’t? 🙁
@tapiocacat
But sadly not everyone is lucky to have it all. You either have love only or career only. Some are lucky to have both but that is in the minority.
@hayden
I think she is more of a career woman anyways. She probably just feels lonely. Maybe she will marry later on in life? Like Chan Wing Chun’s current wife. She was never married at all before she met and married him. She was in her 50s too and never thought of marriage until she met him. It was too late to have kids but not too late to get married. Chan Wing Chun already had kids from his first marriage so he wanted love and companionship. Maybe that is what Charmaine is seeking too as she has everything else.
@hetieshou She probably wants partnership and don’t want someone dependent on her. You are right, she might be seeking companionship. But then again, she’s implying that guys are too timid to choose her as their date. Maybe her personality is a little toward more masculine side but then again she don’t want to be supporting man. So she’s on a limbo wanting the perfect match.
Maybe she should just find a friendship/partner like Liza Wang and grow old with him and not care about marriage anymore.
@tapiocacat
Yes and that can be problematic as when you are married and together, you often need to share finances. Maybe she does not want to share her money. I find it sad that men can financially support a woman but a woman cannot financially support a man. I guess many are still stuck in the old world where men are supposed to support women. I totally agree with you that she wants this but doesn’t want that. She may not find someone at all with that mindset. Maybe she should just remain single.
Liza has some similarities with her but is different from her. Liza is married to her current husband and was married before too. Liza is very different from her in that aspect. She dated her current husband for many years before marrying him but I think Liza is supportive of her husband whether it be financially or anything. But Charmaine on the other hand, I don’t know.. her idea of a boyfriend or spouse is a bit unrealistic in my opinion.
I am in her age group and live in the UK. I am always approached by younger men as they find us successful and financially independent.
Having said that, I am still single as I prefer to date men +/- 2 years of my age.
I think Charmaine’s only point was: “Society is harsh on women. We are devalued in every aspect as our age increases but there’s a lot of pros to it too. Take dating for example.” And then everyone in the comments went berserk with “She’s lonely and desperate.” Y’all just proved the point she was trying to make if that’s the case. Everyone gets lonely but I don’t thinks she’s desperate. If she wanted to settle, it would have happen long ago. She’s looking for a match. She’s looking for an equal. She’s also getting scared and tired at the same time because society won’t leave her alone and she still wants children at some point. Watch her interview when she’s in tears about perhaps missing her chance on becoming a mom. https://www.jaynestars.com/news/charmaine-sheh-shares-fertility-concerns/
I fully support her if she already froze her eggs, found a sperm donor, and hired a surrogate. You can’t rush a partner everyone.