Kathy Chow Does Not Believe in Marriage
Kathy Chow (周海媚) was one of Hong Kong’s biggest stars back in the 1990s and appeared in TVB’s most popular dramas, including Looking Back in Anger <義不容情>, The Breaking Point <今生無悔>, and Time Before Time <大鬧廣昌隆>. Although Kathy’s spotlight may be overshadowed by younger actresses today, she maintains an optimistic attitude on her career and personal life.
Never Dreamed Of Stardom
Kathy debuted in the industry in 1985 when her father signed her up for the Miss Hong Kong pageant. Although she did not get placed in the top three, she was not too disappointed, as she never dreamed of stardom to begin with. Her entry in the pageant became a stepping-stone for 18-year-old Kathy, who decided to give acting a shot.
“When I didn’t win the pageant, my mom didn’t want me to enter the entertainment industry and said I should continue my education. I convinced my mom to give me a chance because I really wanted to try. I promised that if I was still an extra after two years, I’ll leave. But who knew that I’d become a lead actress after only a year! I’ve been working since then.”
True Love Trumps All
A natural romantic, Kathy left Hong Kong and moved to Beijing with her boyfriend after a year of meeting him. Since then, the 47-year-old actress has led a semi-retired lifestyle, accepting only one or two filming projects a year to satisfy her love for acting.
Believing that true love is the most important, Kathy did not heed the warning and objection from friends and family about giving up her life in Hong Kong. Struggling to keep up with her poor Mandarin at first, Kathy did not give up and consistently watched television shows every day to improve her pronunciation.
After her first marriage with Ray Lui (呂良偉) ended in divorce, Kathy decided that she will not get married again. Seeing that Kathy does not believe in marriage, her boyfriend never brought it up. They both understand that the relationship will not lead towards marriage.
“To be honest, I don’t have any special feelings towards getting married. The most important thing between two people is to be happy. Does one certificate really make a difference in whether people are happy or not?” To Kathy, marriage is trivial and qualities such as trust and love are more valued than a mere certificate.
Source: 3 Weekly via Kuangaitvb.com
This article is written by Su for JayneStars.com.
“Does one certificate really make a difference in whether people are happy or not?”
Depends on whether kids are involved or not. Since Kathy Chow does not have kids, it may not make a difference. But, in Zhang Yimou’s case, it makes a difference.
Agree and I feel sad that many are devaluing marriage and claiming that it is just a piece of paper. It is definitely more than that,especially if there are kids involved.
it’s all for show, marriage has no place in modern society
It would seem nowadays children being called bastards are of not stigma anymore. I am not a cynic when it comes to love. Marriage is a celebration, an announcement both of you are with one another. It is a statement of commitment, and a realisation of a loving relationship where one announces devotion to another. If someone can’t sign on a piece of paper which alters your legal responsibilities in such a fundamental way, it simply means he or she is not willing to share in the burden, the joy, the celebration of togetherness. I see it that way, pure and simple. It is indeed sad when some want to marry but can’t, and some can marry but won’t.
Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. The fact that many refuses to sign on it shows how great and burdensome such a “piece of paper” is to them.
In a modern society, there is an even more emphasis of such legal unity where people are more cynical and yet there are those who believes in the power of a piece of legal document, 2 rings and legitimacy of children.
Well said Funn! I have the same thoughts as you regarding marriage. I think IF you truly love someone and want to commit and spend the rest of your lives together, then it will not hurt to just sign that “piece of paper”. If someone is hesitant to sign that marriage certificate, then something is terribly wrong. I think they just are not will share what they have with you regardless of what it is. I find it sad that when many just think the marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. It is way more than that… If it is just any old piece of paper then why are so many so afraid to sign it???
Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. The fact that many refuses to sign on it shows how great and burdensome such a “piece of paper” is to them.
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I also agree that marriage is more than “a piece of paper”. It i definitely a life-time commitment and a sense of responsibility to a married couple.
@Funn Lim
Hm…somehow just signing the paper validates the love and commitment one has for the other person? True love can’t be proven by tacit understanding. One would need some piece of legal paper which can probably get annulled the next day.
Although I agree that marriage is not necessary to prove love and commitment, but I do against depriving others of marriage.
It is like chicken or the egg argument.
“If you love me sign the papers!”.. “If you know I love you why need me to sign any paper?”
My point is personally I will take offence that the love of my life will do anything for me BUT marry me properly and give me a legal status. Marriage is not necessary, indeed but it would be rather nice don’t you think?
Funn,
What you said really reminds me of those lovers in series love kings and people who have status. The guys love them and all, but many of them really want or even in some cases demand to get married and granted a title of consort or whatever. However, even without that status and title, the guys still love them the same. Therefore, I wonder if that equates to the modern day version of “marriage” and getting married legally?
You mean emperors and noble born people? But back in those days these people can have more than 1 wife. Consort is still a status given, so they have rights in that sort of way. If you mean those who can’t even be consort and is literally mistresses without official status, imagine how their lives will be when the guy/lover dies?
Even in France with queen and then an official mistress, when king dies, the queen can kick the official mistress out.
But as you said if the sole reason for no marriage is due to the politics and social of that time, I suppose if you truly love one another, marriage is not that important as long as the woman is adequately provided for. Marriage in the olden days between rich families are almost always about consolidation of power. Love is secondary.
Marriage certificate is just a piece of paper whether it involves kids or not. You can happily co-habitat and raise children together without such piece of paper. Children are not going to understand nor care, as long as both parents are loving and caring towards each other and them (the kids).
Back in the days, a license protect your interests should something happen to the other, but now a days, their are wills, health proxies, trusts ect … you’re protected without a marriage certificate.
I agree certificate is just a piece of paper. So what if kids are involved? Divorce rates are so high these days, I think its even more confusing for the child having all these step fathers/mothers, brothers/sisters and whatever. Regardless, your child will grow up confused. A child can still call their parents mom/dad even if you dont sign anything that legally claims you are married. With divorce rates nowadays, its not surprising most people do not even want to get married.
As long as two people love each other and they are aware of so, why must you sign the paper?
I do love the thought of having a perfect family and having the dream wedding and legally being married but… I think about the consequences as well. Whats the difference between being with the person you love now & signing a piece of paper. Only difference is…. a piece of paper… you can still do whatever you do as a married couple.
Of course, people can sign the certificate if thats what they really want. Nothing is wrong with that. Do what you believe is better for yourself.
In some countries it may affect your children’s legal status and chance to get properties, alimony and inheritance. Unless you are richer or simply detest marriage or you have no problems raising the kids on your own (money), don’t be so silly.
This varies depending on the country. Some have legislation regarding informal marriages (common law) so in a sense marriage does just become a piece of paper because alternatives are available. The concept of love is only a recent thing that occurred when capitalism started. Other factors like economics, social status, politics, controlling sex, convenience, etc.
Culture groups that lean on tradition more will likewise stick to marriage but almost all cultures these days have been long influenced by American culture and the Internet has helped steer an increasing trend towards a decrease in marriage and overall thinking that marriage isn’t required in a lasting relationship.
A lot of shunning towards marriage comes from the previous generation’s way of thinking which has affected this one. Too many stuck in their relationship for all the wrong reasons. The empowering of women has also changed the landscape as marriage was originally designed to protect women, you need only to backtrack a couple of decades to see a male dominated world in which women relied on them heavily.
I don’t care much for marriage personally as I come from a country that has legal alternatives. However, if I was ever confronted with someone who was “for marriage” then I guess it would come down to how much we value each other and is it enough to compromise on the matter. Like all man-made ideas, don’t need to be too adamant, much better to be flexible and adapt then miss out on the good things in life.
“Like all man-made ideas, don’t need to be too adamant, much better to be flexible and adapt then miss out on the good things in life.”
Yeah, why would men (like Zhang Yimou) want marriage if he can stay single and have kids with as many women as he can (and dump the child-raising responsibility on the mothers)? Women who have kids out-of-wedlock deserve what they get.
“Stupid is as stupid does.”
SD,
You were wrong. Romantic marriage is a recent thing when both monogamy and women rights started in the mid of 19th century.
And you were wrong again. Marriage was not originally designed to protect women. There was a time in history that people thought marriage was to protect women, but prior to that, and originally, it was not. You should do more research.
Marriage lost its meaning when a father was not allowed to trade his daughter with a cow and two chicken.
With regard to my first point, what I meant was that romantic marriage started because of monogamy and women rights, not because of capitalism. Capitalism, of course, plays a part too by promoting romantic marriage through free market, media, advertising, literature, education, religion, and so on. And that is why many people mistakenly thought romantic marriage started because of capitalism. You have to know how capitalism works before blaming anything to it. It works according to the current social status in order to earn money, not because it wants to change society. In other words, it is actually a ‘method’ to achieve something rather than a ‘thing’ that needs to be achieved.
The institution of marriage was not to protect woman, it was to protect the bloodline of the house. It was very important to ensure that your children were actually YOUR children when passing down family land, wealth, etc…
Women took on the man’s name as a representation that they had become HIS property…. and as I mentioned elsewhere on the site, it wasn’t that long ago where in England, if a man no longer wanted his wife he could bundle her up and take her to the town square and auction her off to the highest bidder. No protection in that 😛
In regards countries that DON’T recognize “common law” yet, then I would agree that the act of signing a marriage license would be more significant. But it’s the idea that the marriage license “protects” the female that I think is wrong.
Why?
Well, I find it interesting that most talk about the marriage license as protecting the “female” – isn’t the license signed by both? Wouldn’t it serve both equally? This comment is rather telling about the state of male/female equality in the world still.
Secondly… and I find this a real problem in today’s world, is the idea that you need “protection” when stepping into a marriage at all. I have the same feeling about “pre-nupts” as well.
If you are sitting down and planning out how your divorce will go BEFORE you even get married, then I suggest you probably should call off the wedding now 😛 The very idea that people “plan ahead for the separation and inevitable divorce” stuns me. If you honestly believe in the back of your mind that your marriage is destined to fail.. why get married in the first place?
@TVBFanatic,
Totally agree with your viewpoints on marriage (marital laws have been tested through time to be just and apply both ways) and “prenupts” (obviously favors the drafter).
TVBFanatic,
“If you honestly believe in the back of your mind that your marriage is destined to fail.. why get married in the first place?”
To follow the mainstream and the majority, perhaps? I have seen majority of people don’t know what to do in their lives, so they just follow what society expects them to do. It makes their lives and themselves much simpler, I believe.
What I meant was that they just follow what is expected and then hope it will go well until the day they die despite they could foresee the ending.
I knew somewhere that she was linked to that guy but never knew she actually married him? Wow, so that dude actually married 3 times. Twice to beautiful ladies n the final one that not so good looking woman from the mainland. I guess that explains why she never got hitched again, sometimes one bad experience is all you need to feel ‘been there, done that’? haha LOL..She still looks good for her age i think.
Yes, being happy and stress-free can help a woman stay young. And, Kathy seems to know how to pace her work too. I like her acting.
The final not so good looking woman is a billionare.
No wonder she is his final.
Male gold diggers will never die out. haha 🙂
And, Ray Lui probably made sure the marriage registration is official and valid.
I admire Kathy! She is beautiful and acting is quite good!
Kathy is so beautiful! At that age of 47, she looks like she’s in her mid-30s. I remember Ray Lui mentioned about their marriage in an interview before. He said they went to Las Vegas to register and then flew back to Hong Kong thinking they are married. When they were filing for a divorce, Ray and Kathy found out they didn’t officially registered for a marriage certificate. They only applied and waiting for approval. Therefore, Kathy wasn’t really “married.”
But I am glad she is happy atm.
Come on now, she doesn’t look like she is in her 30s.
Not sure how old she looks,but she definitely looks good for her age. Who can be forever young?
HTS,
Please go and eat placenta everyday. I can 100% assure u that you can even be looking younger than Kathy, Cathy or whatever ….ty.
I already look young for my age and I not need that stuff,thank you. But if you feel it works then maybe you should try it yourself.
Meant to say do not
Marriage determines whether your kids are labeled ‘bastards’ or not.
Does that not matter?
Agreed, so all of Zhang Yimou’s children are bastards.
Won’t be since he married the mother didn’t he?
They were all born out-of-wedlock, I believe.
Really? Can’t remember. I thought he married his wife and had children with her which means legitimate children? Sometimes you must wonder a man with his face could have so many wives. But then he has quite a talent.
No, he married her after they were born.
http://www.jaynestars.com/news/zhang-yimou-may-pay-7-million-rmb-for-violating-one-child-policy/
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“Their three children, who were born in 2001, 2004, and 2006, were all born out of wedlock”
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Old thinking… marriage is a relatively new concept in the age of man… the only difference between a child between a married couple and a couple who are common law is in the perception of those around them.
Those, like “talent scout” who see them as “bastards” – and those, like myself, who see them as children.
That’s the real difference.
bastard is as much as social stigma (which no one cares these days) as it is as a legal stigma. Many countries still deny illegitimate children right of inheritance for example and I will say I agree with that simply because marriage should come with a set of benefits, if not no one will marry.
lol, bastards or not, as long as they have loving parents, brought up right, and are positive contributor to society. That beats those who are born to married parents, with an absent mom or dad, grown up to be drug pushers and thugs, now those are true bastards
Being legally married is certainly more than just a piece of paper. It offers the spouse legal responsibilities, signing papers at the hospital, right to the will and social acceptance. It’s extremely stupid to think marriage is just a piece of paper.
A few years ago when Heath Ledger passed away unexpectedly (still miss that dude miserably) his partner was not given his Oscar award because they are not legally married. In the end the award was presented to their daughter.
I agree with you Nyn and find it sad that many just think that being married is just signing a piece of paper. I have a cousin like that. She had a wedding ceremony and banquet and has 2 kids with her “husband”, but does not have a marriage license and thinks it is just a piece of paper. But then I found out that she only got married because she was pregnant and had a lot of problems with her husband and even kicked him out of her parent’s home at one point. In her case, I can see why she does not want to sign that “piece of paper”. She also does not want to share her money or anything she has with him. It is no wonder she does not want to be legally married to her “husband”.
I agree. Marriage is a commitment not to be taken lightly – because it not only binds two people emotionally, but also legally.
One of the main problems I have with today’s perception of love is that marriage is not meaningful anymore.
Problem 1: People don’t get married because of a lack of trust yet live and sleep with this shady person thinking that they are safe from harm because they are not legally married – yet domestic abuse, fraud and theft still occurs. I don’t understand why you would want to live with someone you don’t trust anyway!
Problem 2: People get married and have kids without too much thought, thinking that divorce is easy. They is a lack of commitment to the spouse, cheating on the other half with a ton of excuses and think that a divorce will end all troubles, but it doesn’t.
I can understand if there is a valid reason why two people who love each cannot get married and have to live together (like opposition from families, religion, etc…) but if you do have the chance, why would you not like to give your loved one a legal right to yourself for convenience as well as reassurance?
Only a spouse or blood relative can legally sign papers regarding emergency surgery or inheritance. A defacto partner is not considered a legal relative as there is no genetic relation. Imagine if you have a car crash and your partner cannot sign the necessary papers to save your life. Even an adopted child has more legal right than a defacto partner in that case.
I just wonder what on earth Ray Lui did to Kathy Chow to make her distrust marriage? It is sort of a pity that she feels this way but I wish her happiness with her BF.
Good points and those are things that people seem to overlook so they do not take marriage seriously anymore. I still remember once when I was watching a Korean doctor series with my mom and there was this one scene where a woman was on the verge of life and death and needed her husband to sign the papers for permission to perform the surgery to save her life. However, her “husband” for some reason could not sign those papers. The saddest part was even her own mother was not allowed to sign them for her. I forgot what happened to her in the end since I only saw a part of that scene. It is truly sad that many refuse to think about those things when it comes to being married and being there for your partner when they need you and also believe that just living together is ok and enough.
I also forgot to add that I also agree that in some cases, if they cannot get married due to various reasons like opposition from family, religious differences,etc.. then I can understand that. However, if you are able to get married, why not??
HTS,
You talk so much here….I believe you must be a marriage expert like funn lim.
So, when are you going to marry? You are not young anymore ma’am!
Yeah…agree with Wayne. HTS, you really talked so much here, like you’re an expert.
Wayne, I am not a marriage expert, I am however also not a single expert. I believe in love and I believe there is no better celebration of love than a legal marriage. That is what gay couples are fighting for. You may think otherwise but please do not mock others for their sincere opinion of a very serious issue about sanctity of relationships these days.
I think gay couples are fighting for legal marriage as a way to legitimize gay relationships more than anything else. Legalizing the marriage opens the couple up to many services that are currently only open to heterosexual married couples.
I don’t think any gay or heterosexual couple who are living “common law” feel they need that piece of paper, and I tend to agree. It really should be personal preference in the matter.
Some will argue it from a religious aspect – and I understand that – but at the same time that is pushing one’s own religious agenda on people who might not have the same beliefs.
Many nations now recognize “common law” and give it the same status as “married” and I think it’s the right move.
I myself am married… but I have a religious background as well. But I don’t look down upon those who don’t want to sign the paper. As long as they find a partner they can live happily with to the end of days then who cares about paper? it’s hard enough to just find love in the world than to overly complicate it.
Everyone has a right to their opinion, no need to attack HTS or anyone else whether or not they are married. There is always pro and cons to any argument. I myself don’t believe signing the piece of paper to show how I love that person, however, it would be up to the two people involved whether or not they want to sign the certificate.
Look at the other side of the coin. I just had someone telling me she refuses to divorce her husband because of her christian faith (not catholic) eventhough she can’t stand the sight of him and neither is living with the other. That is just a poor excuse to bind the man to her hatred of him. How silly isn’t it?
“As long as they find a partner they can live happily with to the end of days then who cares about paper? it’s hard enough to just find love in the world than to overly complicate it.”
And this confuses me. If it is just a paper, why overly complicate it by not signing one? By avoiding the simple paper, it simply means the person has an aversion to it. Not a positive sign. Is it “easy come easy go”?
Funn – I think you are looking at it a bit differently then I am intending. 🙂
My point is that the paper is just that – paper. There is no reason to look down on people because they decide not to sign it. Signing it doesn’t prove or disprove anything really…
What benefit to the marriage is there to signing the paper? Does it promise ever lasting love and peace? Your post previous to that answers that 😛
@Wayne & Pop: Um, did I miss something here? I don’t see a problem with HTS’ comments at all! What’s wrong with her sharing examples and experiences from her own life to support her point of view on marriage??? She never said she was a marriage expert and never once claimed to be one – so I don’t see where that comment is coming from….and I definitely don’t understand the need for such sarcasm toward her comments. Same with Funn Lim – I don’t see anything wrong with her comments in this thread either – she’s simply explaining her point of view and using facts and experiences to back herself up (which is something that most commenters on this site are NOT doing).
I honestly don’t know what is wrong with society nowadays…it seems like such a “chore” to be able to have rational, reasonable, intelligent conversations with people nowadays (especially people who have differing opinions). I don’t mind friendly debates and will respect differing opinions if they are presented rationally and with strong backup arguments/reasoning — but when people make baseless comments with nothing to back themselves up (and oftentimes the comments don’t even make an ounce of sense), it definitely gets very annoying….
llwy12: rational, reasonable, intelligent conversations with people nowadays (especially people who have differing opinions).
lol! “rational…intelligent conversations” on a online entertainment discussion forum? — is that even possible?
“rational…intelligent conversations” on a online entertainment discussion forum? — is that even possible?
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Definitely not possible!!!
@clamine: Yea, I know…probably wishful thinking on my part (though I have seen a few online communities with some semblance of order…I guess those are the rare exceptions)….
llwy12
You are one of the very sensible writers here, but unfortunately there are just too few of them.
Especially idols are involved …………
Thanks a lot for your support and comments llwy12! I really appreciate it and am glad that there are sensible and open minded people like you here. Sadly,there are very few people like you here and in this world.
@ Wayne and pop,
When did I ever claim to be a marriage expert? You both said it,not me. I just wanted to share my views on marriage. But of course, I do not oppose others for what they feel and think too. They certainly have the right to think what they like. But it is not ok to accuse or insult anyone just because they have a different opinion than you both do.
Thanks anonymous for your support and comment. I wish more people were open minded like you.
@sandcherry: Thank you! 🙂 And yes, you’re absolutely right — unfortunately, there are too few sensible people nowadays, especially in on-line communities where it’s so easy to hide behind the anonymity of the Internet….
@HTS: You’re welcome! 🙂 I know it’s technically none of my business, but I felt the urge to speak up, so I did. It’s definitely a shame that there are so few open-minded people in the world nowadays — you’d think that people’s thinking would be more open living in the 21st century…I guess not…
your welcome HTS
Everyone has a right to his or her own opinion .regarding this controversial topic. I fully respect that & no right or wrong here.! However, for me as a female , admittedly I like to be seen, to be recognized & to be heard. …Means as the legal official wife. Legality issues…. ( So do not attack me! That is my own opinion as a female, not forcing it on others.)
Back in the 1800s in England the woman took the man’s name because she became “property” of the man. We still carry that tradition on today (although, my wife didn’t change her name and I was all for that). If the man grew tried of his wife, or wanted “a new model”, he could haul the old wife down to town square and auction her off to the highest bidder.
Times change, thankfully 🙂
Kathy was one of my favorite actresses back in the 80s/90s and still is today, even though she doesn’t film much in HK anymore. True, most of the TVB series that she filmed in recent years (past 4 to 5 years) have been mediocre and can’t compare with all the great series from back in the day (mid 80s to mid 90s or so), but can’t say that it’s completely her fault, since filming a series is a group effort and TVB’s standards overall have gone down A LOT the past 2 decades (especially in the scriptwriting area). As for her looks — I actually feel she still looks fantastic given her age…
Glad to hear that Kathy has finally found happiness in terms of love relationship and while my view of marriage differs from hers, I respect her decision not to get married – after all, it’s her life not mine….if she’s happy with her life the way it is now, who are we to say she has to marry or have kids?
I’d say commitment should come from within and the right mindset, not something that must be legally enforced with two b/w signatures in b/w agreement.
So while that ‘piece of paper’ protects legal rights in any relationship, it certainly doesn’t guarantee commitment if the hearts/minds/visions are NOT together in the right place.
Inversely the same holds true for the wife with firm Christian beliefs who refused to divorce.
What’s the point? If ANY relationship (legallly endorsed in b/w, or not) is in disconnect, why prolong the agony? Pointless to flog dead horsesm and hanging/clinging on just slowly poisons not BOTH parties.
Some ppl do have phobias of getting married (legally) I mean if they’ve a sour divorce or should I just say a failed marriage? To me, getting a divorce is much of a pain and hassle than getting married. I guess what Kathy Chow meant was she doesnt believe in getting married anymore because she had a failed marriage and she obviously had phobia for marriage.
Kathy married briefly (they divorced months later) when she was only 22-yo to Ray Lui, who was 10 years her senior. Ray Lui also had another “brief” marriage that only lasted for months. So glad Kathy is happy now.
Jaynestars,
What happens to this website? With all the banner advertisements. How do I remove it? It pops up many inappropriate things!
That piece of paper that signifies Marriage does mean something. It means that the country recognized your union, it also means that your legal spouse can partake in health benefits at least here in the U.S.
Signing the papers does not mean that your significant lover will love you for life, however only after your significant lover dies does one really realize how significant that Marriage Certificate is. You have no say whatsoever in the disposal of the body, you have no rights to inheritances. Some of you raised “Common Law” in United States, you need to show proof that you are indeed “Common Law” either by having the same checking account, or telling people that you are both married and if you are going to that extend why not sign the paper?