Elaine Ng Reluctant to Let Go of Rebellious Daughter Etta Ng
Single mother Elaine Ng (吳綺莉) has been through many trials concerning her teenage daughter, Etta Ng (吳卓林), such as actor Jackie Chan’s (成龍) refusal to acknowledge his paternity and the accusation against Elaine of child abuse last year. However, Elaine remains optimistic about her role as a mother, even though 16-year-old Etta has entered into the teenage stage of rebellion.
Elaine recently shared that she is constantly thinking of how she can be a better mother who is also liked by her daughter. She admitted that it was not until the child abuse accusation last March that she realized Etta had grown up.
“For many years, I used the traditional method to teach her – she must listen to whatever I say,” explained Elaine. “When she was little, she would accept this, but after growing up, she rebelled.”
Though Elaine and her daughter have been reconciled following the child abuse incident, there are still times when conflicts arise. For instance, Etta recently developed the desire to eat nothing but instant noodles for every meal. When Elaine insisted she eat something different for dinner at least, Etta responded by refusing to eat at all. After an hour of confrontation, she finally relented.
Despite the hardships of being a single mother, Elaine maintains an optimistic attitude. “Everyone has difficulties,” she said. “You just have to see where these difficulties lie…. A lot of people have it worse off than I do.”
“I Want to Hold on to Her for Two More Years”
Because Elaine was not close with her family members when growing up, she considers it even more important to have a good relationship with her own daughter. “If the mother-daughter relationship isn’t right, I will be very sad,” she remarked. “You can have a falling out with friends, and you can divorce your husband if he isn’t right, but no parent will break off a relationship with her child.”
In an attempt to communicate more with her daughter, Elaine often shares stories about herself, even at the risk of Etta finding her long-winded. “Perhaps in her rebellious stage right now, she might think I’m mean,” said Elaine, “but at least she is still willing to talk to me.”
Unlike the typical tiger mom, Elaine is eager to foster Etta’s interests, which have ranged from veterinary work to computers to filmmaking to making cakes: “The last time we talked about this, I told [Etta], ‘Simpler is better. Don’t overthink it. When you leave this world, what do you want to leave behind? The most important thing is happiness. Don’t have any regrets!’’
Elaine also revealed that even though she had previously considered sending Etta overseas to continue her studies, she is holding off on those plans for now. “It’s still too early to talk about studying abroad,” she said, “and I’m reluctant to let her leave my side right now. With her personality, she won’t come back after going abroad, so I want to hold on to her for two more years.”
Source: Sina.com
This article is written by Joanna for JayneStars.com.
Elaine seems like an understanding and sweet mother. Hope she will find someone nice soon so it wont be too lonely after Etta leaves.
Elaine have good intention but one should never treat their kids like a friend. I’m sorry to say this but if instant noodle was the only thing she wanted to eat then that is a problem. And if she plan to not eat after being spoken to… Well she can just not eat. When one is hungry, then they will eat whatever was put in front of them. If the kids doesn’t understand that she is working hard to support the family and she still act up. The constant giving is not going to help the child. All the giving and playing nice will only harm the child at the end. When will she grow up? How will she face reality? All I can say is… Good luck. She is going to need it. Feel bad for her.
@happybi Righttt?! Tough love. That’s how it should be. My mom’s the same way. My sister is picky with food and eats nothing but junk food most days. She doesn’t like eating anything else. And instead of fighting with my sister about it or restricting her food, my mom gives in. As bad as it sounds, I tell my mom that if she starves my sis enough, she will eat anything on the table. I told myself that if I have kids one day, there’ll be none of this spoiling. Being nice to kids just enables them to walk all over you. I’ve seen it with my sisters and some days I’m ashamed to admit, I’m like that too. I’m blessed and so are my sisters in this regard, but I can see how this imbalance can ruin our sense of independence and cause a disrespectful rift between ourselves and my mom.
@coralie I do feel bad for her because not only is she a single Mom but she had her daughter because of an affair. And Jackie is a major a$$ in my opinion but she should have made better choices.
I find that today society is too soft on their kids. It makes them rude, disrespectful and have this entitlement attitude that annoys the crap out of me! Babying them won’t do them a favor. It will just make them fail in life as once they start working and can’t deal with the stress, what’s going to happen? Can’t support them forever! Just crazy.
When you are ready for kids, finding a balance between spoiling them and tough love is the key.Even I have trouble with it a lot of time!
@happybi yes i feel bad for her too. but she’s clearly made some really stupid decisions, which is definitely on her. maybe she really wanted to have a kid so she kept Etta, but she didn’t think things through regarding having an absentee father and husband. now she has a kid where she has double duty as mom & dad. i’ve seen scenarios where a parent feels guilty about lacking a partner for their kid, so while they discipline their kid harshly, they also try to compensate for the absent parent by double-dosing on the spoiling, which I think is what’s happening here with Elaine & Etta. it can be very difficult for a kid to live under these bipolar personalities from their parent – confusing and they also feel a lack of security. that’s my understanding anyways.
i know – that entitlement thing pisses me off too! parents these days treat their kids like royalties and let them walk all over them.
Yes…that line is hard to walk, between doting and disciplining. well, usually this is where good cops & bad cops come in, but i hear it’s not a very good tactic. do you do hard disciplining or soft disciplining? i grew up with some whoop-@ss from my parents, as i’m sure most asian kids my age did too, so i’m not entirely against it. but i’d like to hear from others’ perspective too.
@coralie Being Chinese let just say “hitting” is what we grow up with. Hitting I find is ok but only up to a point. I don’t agree with parents who beat up their kids! I have a cousin before who dad hit her with a belt! It was awful!!! Do I do it? Honestly I try not too. Have I done it? Of course! I have gotten mad and hit their hands but that’s about it! But I find other methods are better with my kids. For instance with my daughter, she’s at the age where instead of making her time out (stand for x amount of min.), I take away her iPad or make her write her mistake 100 time on a piece of paper instead. She absolutely hates it! But she knows if she doesn’t listen, that will happen! For my son who is younger, I make him time out in a room with the door close. And if it’s at night, it’s dark inside. Am I bad? i do feel guilty but that get them to listen. Discipline I find is very important.
we do play good cop and bad cop at home.. I’m the bad one.. their dad/my hubby is always the good one. But then the kids have their dad wrap around their fingers. And honestly before I had kids there are things that I said I will never do. Well now I have kids, all is done! For instance, not too much TV… never getting a car with a dvd player… yep.. it all happened!
@happybi Yep it’s one thing to discipline because the kids are showing bad behavior, but it’s different from abuse, where they get hit for no legitimate reason or gets punished severely for small mistakes. Your ideas are good too, but how do you enforce it? Like the write 100x thing. When my sisters were kids, and my mom told them their punishment was so-and-so, they didn’t listen. They just stood their ground screaming “No!” and then my mom relent ’cause no way to make them obey otherwise.
And that sucks that you’re the bad cop haha. Well at least they’ll always listen to you.
@coralie Yikes. sound like your Mom got her hands full with your sis!! My daughter always say NO too and throw a fit but she will do what I say. I do enforce it. I have taken her iPad away before. A month being the longest time. So she knows if she does not listen, she will lose what she enjoy! As for writing… let just say it doesn’t always start off with 100. I usually start with 25 and if she refuse, I just keep adding by 10 till she do it. 100 was the most she have written before too. She know I won’t bend and when I say no iPad for a month, it really mean no iPad for a month. Or no TV or etc etc. So it’s up to her if she want to do it and get it over with or be stubborn and lose what she enjoy for a very very long time. I remember 1 time she really wanted to go to her school after school PJ party when she was in Kindergarten. I said sure but during that time she was acting up a lot in her class. So I said I better don’t get a note from your teacher about you not listening in class this week or you won’t be going. So guess what, she got a note so she end up not being able to go. Cried a river of course but it got the point across. Have to say her Kindergarten teacher was a major PIA!
My son is easier.. I only have to lock him in room a few time.. now when I say do you want to “fut kay – mean time out/standing” he will know he need to listen.. if not, in the room he goes for a few min.
Honestly, I am not that strict..I let them do what they want.. just don’t be disrespectful, do their homework or eat when I tell them to eat and all will be good. If not, then all hell break loose!!!
I think it’s common that Mom are the bad cop! I know My Mom scared the crap out of us while we have our Dad wrap around our fingers. ehhehe When we were young, we normally ask our Dad if we want something as asking Mom is always a NO! Then our Dad get in trouble. Poor Dad.
@happybi I like the way you teach/discipline. i do threaten my little sis sometimes by telling her that i’ll take her phone away and it does work for a little bit. but that’s exhausting ’cause i’m dealing with a teenager versus a kid lol.
is your son afraid of the dark now? i’m always scared that by threatening kids with something considered “scary,” they’ll be scared of that for a long time. like i used to tell my sisters that ghosts exist and they’ll come looking for them if they misbehave. now the older one doesn’t care and isn’t scared but the younger one still thinks ghosts exist and gets scared of the dark lol.
it’s good you have a system in place that disciplines them. but wait till they hit their teens. and if they find part-time jobs and can pay for their own stuff, then it gets crazy because you’ll have to find a way to stay ahead of the game with them. my sisters never really learned discipline, but maybe if you teach them when they’re young, they’ll be more receptive to your authority when they’re older.
same. my mom was the whooping machine when i was a kid lol. my dad only did it once. so he was always my favorite parent and i’ll always have a soft spot for him because of it. they always say the first man daughters fall in love with is their father (in a good way) so maybe it’s best that way. dad has to treat them well so they know how to be treated when they’re older.
@coralie i do fear the teenager year!! So its a wait and see at this point. I am hoping by disciplining her now that she will be ok when she become a teen. It tough for sure but wouldn’t change it for anything. Its not just taking thing away. I have said no to playdates and birthday party if she is not behaving. l so left a restaurant once without finishing food because she was acting up. Just packed everything and go. Made her go hungry till we get home.
I dont think my son is afraid of the dark. As he locked himself in room before with no light and doesn’t cry. He bang the door to be let out but no crying or fear. He also hides in closet during hide and go seek and is ok too. He only cries whne he is being punish and know he is jn trouble! Little brat!
Your Mom had it tough. I do find it interesting that she was tough with the older one but easier on the younger one. And yes we have a sweet spot for our Dad too. Love the both of them but Dad are different for sure!
@happybi To be honest, I actually feel that Elaine has been going overboard with the ‘giving in to her daughter’ part. There were reports earlier that Elaine even let Etta drink alcohol — in fact, Elaine said herself that one time they went out with friends and Etta automatically orders an alcoholic drink while she herself didn’t drink at all. And of course, there’s that infamous picture where Elaine put a cigarette in front of Etta’s mouth, which caused an uproar. Also all the other issues that crop up every couple months about Etta misbehaving. While I do empathize with her situation (single mom who will never live down that affair with jerk of the century Jackie Chan and will forever have to pay for her mistake), I still feel she could’ve done some things differently when it came to raising Etta. In a few of the situations that were in the news, it sounded like Elaine was trying to ‘make up’ for the times she treated Etta badly due to her previous issues with alcoholism, so she pretty much lets her do what she wants now. Of course, at the end of the day, Elaine has the right to raise her daughter however she wants to, but man, it can’t be good for her or Etta in the long run…
@llwy12 I totally agrees with you. Although I feel bad for her, her parenting style is all wrong. It will not help Etta in the long run. Elaine is just screwing herself over right now by treating her daughter like a friend. Let just hope Etta will snap out of her rebellious stage soon or Elaine will be in for more headache. Good luck for sure.
I personally think that both Elaine and Etta need some sort of professional counselling. They have both been through a lot ofemotional, mental and psychological hardships and it appears they are still struggling with their relationship . Etta is obviously going through teenage angst and given the fact that she is the topic of much unwanted gossip and having a rocky relationship with her mom, and no father around, she is acting out, rebelling. Her mother seems helpless to what is going on and appears to let Etta have her way. Etta has not had an ideal childhood, but that is no excuse to let her have. Her way and be unruly. Elaine should have put her foot down a long time ago. If she had,things would probably not have gotten to the present point. Discipline is very important when we are parents and during those formative years or minor years of children’s lives we need to be their parents, not their best friends. The buddy relationship can develop later. From what I gather, Elaine was trying to be a mother and buddy to Etta. That is a recipe for a relationship that causes a child to lack respect for parents