Kevin Cheng’s Son Rafael is Criticized for His Rude Behavior
Since Kevin Cheng (鄭嘉穎) and Grace Chan (陳凱琳) announced they are expecting their third baby next year, the family has been eager to capture moments together with their two sons. Although he loves children, Kevin admits parenting is difficult, especially when dealing with his mischievous son, Raphael, who is turning 4 in February.
In Kevin’s latest video of his family, Rafael is seen ripping a Scarlet Heart <步步驚心> poster out of Kevin’s hands and stomping on it. Kevin captioned the video with, “I think my son needs a lesson on respect.” When Kevin pointed out his behavior, Rafael is seen kicking the poster away.
Many netizens are shocked by Rafael’s rude behavior, and left comments asking Kevin to teach his son some basic manners.
Kevin once expressed, “It’s very hard to control children, you can’t be stern alone and it’s useless to be a strict parent. You have to be their friend and try to communicate with them. I realized the best way to teach my son is that when he’s throwing a tantrum, you have to throw a tantrum as well. When he cries, you have to start crying. When that happens, he’ll stop to look at me and forget why he’s angry.”
With more time at home during the pandemic, Kevin has more time to reflect on his parenting style. Although he admits that Raphael is a handful, Kevin praises his younger son Yannick for taking after Grace’s gentle and easy-going personality. For Kevin, it means that he has to watch his words and actions and aim to be the best father figure for his children.
“It doesn’t matter how old my sons are – I’ll always hug them. There will be a day when they’ve outgrown it and won’t let you hug them anymore. I really need to treasure these moments.”
Promising to not be a helicopter-dad, Kevin said his wish is for his children to have happy childhoods. Regarding academic expectations, Kevin explained that his only request is for his sons to learn how to write Chinese at an elementary school level.
Source: [1]
This article is written by Su for JayneStars.com.
His kids, his responsibility, however they behave, he will be their dad for life…. Good or bad, he will learn in his own way.
Un-education kid because of parents like them… Good luck for him
Not surprised! Old parents usually spoil their kids…
Whoa they’re second baby is big, just by the pic with Grace holding him…
It’s true… older aged parents will spoil their kids more
Well, there is such a thing as gentle parenting these days – you don’t need to get violent or scold kids to get them to behave. I don’t see anything wrong with how Kevin interacted with his kid. He’s only 3, not even 4 yet. Boys will be rowdier.
Obviously it isn’t working…
Kids will act out of line every once in a while, even for the best parents (BEST, not abusive.) They shouldn’t be cowed to good manners. Taught patiently, yes. Even Kevin said so – his son needs a lesson on respect, but you don’t need to implement that via harsh punishments.
What would you do if this was your kid? How would you handle this behavior?
Obviously his method isn’t working is it? A simple yes/no would do.
It could be the first time his kid did this. You can’t say it’s not working because it hasn’t been taught yet. And even multiple attempts at teaching doesn’t mean your method is wrong. Just need patience.
My kid’s been getting potty trained for months now. She still has accidents, but she’s using the potty more and more. Eventually she’ll succeed. I’m not going to say my multiple attempts means I failed at parenting. Kids just need patience to learn and let them go at their own pace.
Kevin is living in a delusional world. During your children’s formative years, you do not set out to be their friend. You become a loving, caring parent who guides, leads, loves and protect your children. You teach them right from wrong, how to share, empathize and sympathize, stand up for themselves, good manners, honesty, and good morals. You teach them to be self sufficient, humble, how to want to achieve in life. You also teach them that they need to hear NO as well, as we don’t live in a yes, yes world. You equip your young children with the tools of reality and life. At three years of age, such behavior is expected, as kids will be kids. As parents we need to nip it in the bud. Kevin’s words are so wrong as a parent. You become your children’s friend later as they mature. Kevin’s parenting choices are not doing his children any favors. Love your kids, lavish your love and heart on then, but teach them manners and limits as well. It does both parties well.
You’re assuming his implication of treating his son as a friend to mean he never says no to his kids or teach them right from wrong, good or bad manners, limits and boundaries. That’s not how I interpret his parenting. I think he means to say he interacts with them in a friendly way, get them to understand the right approach for issues, and not as a dogmatic authoritarian parent who doesn’t nurture their kids or let them say no.
From what I read, if I can comprehend what I read, this is constant tantrums and bad behavior from Raphael. I thought it strange that when his son throws tantrums, Kevin will throw tantrums too. This is teaching the child it is okay to behave this way, cause daddy thinks it is cool and he will join me .
Not sure if all parents have done that, but I did. Sometimes it’s a good distraction technique to refocus the kid’s attention to something else. When they see you crying and throwing a tantrum, they forget what they’re upset about.
Temper tantrums and “bad” behavior at this age is totally normal. Raphael’s only been on Earth 3 years, I find it easy to overlook this when people see misbehavior. As long as he’s easy to guide back to normalcy and emotional regulation, he will grow up fine
Raphael is basically four, not three. He is weeks away from being four. Time for Hevib and Gdace to teach him some manners and the discipline of Yes and No. Raphael is a brat, a spoiled brat.
I meant to say Kevin and Grace, my mistake.
I wouldn’t paint a child with a broad stroke with just one display of misbehavior. I’ve met parents who hit their kids all the time and “discipline” them, only for the kids to display even worse antics. You don’t know that Kevin and Grace aren’t saying no to their kids. It’s literally just one moment of their lives.
From reading Kevin’s words, his son us a handful in the naughty, bad behavior departments. Someone from tge industry told my parents that Grace loves her husband abd kids very much but their first born is a terror. His father’s comments indicates Raphael is quite the handful.
Just watched the video, looks like the type of behaviour he’s done before and gotten away with. Personally, would’ve gotten my ass whooped by my parents if I did that and I do the same with my kids. By posting that video, I know they find it endearing and funny but it ain’t cute!
I saw the video too… I highly doubt it is the first time. I am glad my 3yrs old son many moons ago was never like this… I did set firm boundaries at every stage of his life… but he always respected and kept within boundaries.
I would say as I child educator. There is never a “right” method to bringing up any child…as each child and their parents/environment plays a big part to their up bringing… What works for one will may not work for another even from the same family, not even twins….
Every child is different, one need to really take time to observe and work up method on how to communicate and connect with one’s child. The journey never ends as your child grows, he will grow into his own person. And you may face with new challenges. Always remember to keep a good communication channel.
Being hard and hash should never be the first method to use…but only when there is a need for it. I remember being very strict and even spank my son’s bottom once when he crossed road without looking. As he was warned about it before but he still did not take it seriously. After the spank, he was very careful and never made the same mistake.
Communication is key to many successful relationships. That is one rule I tell myself everyday as a mother.
The current generation of parents, at least those I read about and friends with kids believe in reasoning with their child and “spare the rod or u will break the your child” mentality.
I saw kids crying at the top of the voice in public while the mother would just repeatedly say without doing anything else, “I said stop it, Kevin” when the kid did not get what he wanted.
I witnessed kids running to and fro repeatedly in public bus while the mother did nothing and the bus driver kept looking at the kids through the rear mirror. Concerned for everyone’s safety with a distracted driver, I stood up from my seat, blocked their way when they tried to bypass me to run and told them to go back to their seat. I was prepared to face the mother’s confrontation but she did not nothing again.
Being brought up differently, I cannot say that I agree with such parenting method. Sure, don’t “use the rod” (I don’t mean the actual rod) for every misbehaving situation, there are times when the softer approach should be applied, it depends on the seriousness of the misbehaving situation. Let the child know the boundary and the consequences, if they still choose to cross it, they face the consequences – one of which is “the rod”.
@Hohliu
@BearBear
Very well said what both of you said. I love little ones very much and I believe if parents set firm boundaries from the time the kids are toddlers, there might not even be a need for spanking. Children are smarter than most people give them credit for, and they know how to manipulate. They need to be taught certain behaviors are unacceptable, but should be done even if firmly, still done with respect, patience and love. A parent that loves their child discipline that child cause they want their child to know certain behavior is unacceptable, and they want their child or children to know right and wrong. I always look forward to your comments, both of you.
I dont think kids necessary knows how to manipulate in a adult sense. As it is not a calculated and deeply planned out process. But as kids, they use their “animal” instincts more , keen survival mode, they will try means to get what they want and also to protect themselves from danger…
@Renren Not an expert in this but the modern parenting baffles me. I would have thought that children at different age will require different methods. By the time the child becomes a teen, the “rod” method probably will be impossible and likely cause conflict yet to think that using this method on a younger child will break the child, are the adults being over protective or do these adults have an issue with themselves, fearing that they will lose control and hit the child unnecessarily and excessively to the point of actual abuse?
@yuc9
Sometimes, the only thing that works is a spank when all else has failed, so I can agree with that. Children throw tantrums and create drama because they know their parents will give in to their demands. They use tantrums as a manipulation tool. Any parent or parents who think videos of their children are funny while behaving badly need help. Let the children throw tantrums, don’t join in. Just make sure they are not hurting themselves or anyone. When they realize the tantrums or other rude behavior is not working, especially in public, the kids smarten up.
I don’t subscribe to this theory of beating kids because I don’t like what it’s telling kids are acceptable. Adults’ inability to restrain physical force on children tells me that they’re not capable of emotional regulation themselves, leading to corporal punishment/lashing out on a kid.
I got beat downs all the time when I was young. I don’t respect it. I got hit because my parents didn’t know how to manage their own frustrations. And it also sets me up to accept the mentality of violence as acceptable. Which it’s not. But imagine if someone with a lesser will learn that violence is acceptable because they were always hit too. This perpetuates a cycle of abuse.
I cannot agree with you more to hurt out of frustration is the wrong way to do things. I too was victim of very bad child abuse.. But having said that, I am open to allow my son to learn the concept of physical pain in a controlled environment….
For example:
1) I teach my son to use a small knife to help with cooking in the kitchen from 3yrs… He is taught to hold the knife and cut patiently… But if he does cut himself, I will not stop it happening. I am trained to give him first aid but he need to learn the concept of pain so he learn to develop stronger survival instincts.
2) I would not stop my son climbing a tree as I watch him… he fall and broke his ankle once, I took him to A&E but after he recovered he still continue climbing but he learn to be more careful and calculating.
3) Since I am a Chef before I becoming a Child educator. teaching to cook started very year, he was 5 yrs old..started with cooking rice etc.. he used oil and wok with he was 6yrs old… he got burnt a couple of time but he is a tough boy, as long as I watch him… I know he is learning in a controlled environment. He is 17yrs now and he can cook so many dishes, he now has his own Followers on social media looking at his cooking from he was 9yrs old.
4) The only time I spanked him once was the repeat road crossing without looking. I spanked him with my hand on his bottom. He was shock as I never hurt him personally… but he saw my hand were red and I was hurting as he was… I was telling him, my spanking him is not even 1% as painful as a car hitting him. And that is not something I ever want him to learn naturally. My son understood the pain it caused him physically and me emotionally. He became even more aware how his actions can hurt me, his mum. And that really changed him. I would never use a rod…I use my hands and I want him to use as he hurts, I hurt more…
I was abused as a child growing up… thus I too hate it. But I would never stop myself giving my son a lesson on life and how venerable it can be if we are not careful. And I am not always there to protect him.
Fortunately my son grown up very well… but would this work for every family, I would never say so… to each its own..
@hohliu it’s a slippery slope, but I understand where you’re coming from.
I feel like there are other ways to teach understanding without resorting to violence, but it does require more creativity and patience. Letting kids get hurt while learning something isn’t the same as the parent perpetuating pain on the child. Both ways are to learn, but one way harms the relationship between parent and child and that’s what I’m concerned about. The intentions you have with your son are good, and he understands that, but not every parent has control over their own temperament. It’s a slippery slope.
@Coralie I agree, my method works for me but I would not suggest it to others who are not trained as I am. And fortunately, it never caused any damage to our relationship. My son does not even remember the incident.
I remember when he was about 10yrs old…he saw a cane in a shop on one of our visits to Asia…he asked me what it was. I said this is a cane used to hit mum with as a kid. He was horrified. He said he is so happy he is not a child from the 70s/80s… I laughed.
I agree with you, Coralie. There’s no place for physical punishment. If an adult should not hit an adult, a child should not be hit either.
It is hard to judge a kid, especially one this young, on a short little video. I like that Kevin isn’t “I grew up this way, so my kid needs to be the same”. He is right about how you deal with tantrums, which are normal for kids. Sounds like the children feel secure and supported. Everything else will fall into place.
It is really good to see how many of us have difference in opinion yet we are not slamming each other… Having differences in opinion is natural as we are all individuals. Just be respectful to each other is definitely the key to keeping a pleasant forum for all.
Wishing Everyone a Happy Christmas…